Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Tag Line: None. It's a Kindle book.From the Back of the Book: 21-year-old BBW Doe shifter Rose Bishop has her eye set on snagging a billionaire Rooster shifter. Her life had not been an easy one since being rejected by her herd for having undesirable genetic material, but she had been doing just fine without them. She desires to live an Epic Life and nothing will stand in her way. Not her youth, not pesky dryads, not self-esteem issues about her size 18 curvy body, and certainly not the Rooster who doesn't know yet that he's taken... Billionaire Rooster Shifter Nero Grant is a recluse. The only reason he is attending the wedding of Bunny Ackerman and Carson Gereaux is because of a tip from a friend of his, a psychic Owl shifter, who has informed him that his mate has planned on attending. Nero is hoping that the mate in question is the shy little Doe shifter he's been conversing with through online chat for the past year. If Rose is his mate, he won't let anything stand in his way of claiming her. Not being ten years older than the nubile young woman, not the fact that he shifts into a giant c*ck, and certainly not the fact that Rose doesn't know yet that she's taken...
So the blurb for this book is practically longer than the book itself.
We begin with a prologue. A psychic
owl shifter is addressing an envelope to a doe shifter across the
country. She considers this act to be a “seed” and hopes that
this seed will come to fruition. After putting the envelope into a
stack of similar envelopes to be mailed, the owl calls someone named
Nero to ask for a favor. We don't get to hear his side of the
conversation. She asks him about a support group he's joined and
tells him that on the 8th, a doe shifter will go online in
search of support. Then the prologue ends and I feel like it
was a complete waste of 90 seconds.
Chapter one gives us our protagonist
Rose (the doe shifter). She's at Bunny and Carson's
wedding. Bunny and Carson were the subjects of the first two books
in this series. I didn't read them. I have no idea who these people
are but I'm glad they're getting married. Rose has been hiding
behind a giant potted plant but a dryad spots her. She tells us he's
pumped full of power from drawing on the Oak tree he's bound to and
she doesn't want him to catch her.
I have no idea what any of this means.
Maybe I should look up what a dryad is
since my favorite little witch is sleeping.
Okay, dryads are tree nymphs which I
kind of got from context clues already. In traditional mythology the
dryads are always female. I wonder if the authors researched this
before deciding to just bend the rules to their whims.
Anyway, Rose had talked to the dryad
earlier in the evening for an entire two minutes and now he won't
leave her alone. She decides she needs a new hiding place so she
darts around a group of partially-shifted hyenas who are cackling
around the dance floor. She's tried everything to discourage him.
First she tried simply telling him she wasn't interested. When that
didn't work, she pushed him in the path of a couple of prowling
females. When that didn't work, she threw champagne in his face.
When that didn't work, she grabbed some random dude and kissed him.
(PS Random dude turned out to be gay and his groundhog boyfriend was
pretty pissed.)
Normally Rose likes male attention.
She's a size 18 which means she's FAT in this world and you know how
miserable and lonely fat girls must be according to the laws of
romance novel land. Unfortunately, she's allergic to oak trees or
something and the dryad gives her a literal rash.
We learn that Nero from the prologue is
our billionaire rooster shifter. She's been talking to him online
and is supposed to meet him for the first time in person tonight.
Rose thinks she's in love with him. She met him in a support group
for shifters who don't fit the “norm” (so not bears or wolves)
and she's been talking to him extensively ever since.
I feel like I landed in an episode of
Catfish. Neve and Max are going to pop out at any minute and tell
her that she's actually been talking to a 43-year-old housewife from
the Midwest.
Oh, wait. That's me.
Moving on........
Rose tells us that she's been drifting along in life.
She's been sleeping with men she barely knows just to have a little
companionship because she's so very lonely. She's a clerk in a
bookstore with a dream of writing a novel and marrying a
c*ck.....ahem....I mean rooster. (The c*ck references are thick in this book.)
😆😆😆
I didn't even do that one on purpose.
The authors keep doing this to
us........... “Her doe mewled and gave her excited eyes.”
Like her doe is a completely separate thing from her?? It's super
annoying. And how does she see her doe's eyes when her doe is inside
her? Her doe spend the entire book making faces and sounds and shivering in anticipation and it makes me want to scream.
She worries that Nero won't love her
because she isn't a hen. This would be a problem because Rose pretty
much wants to marry him as soon as possible. He's been an amazing
friend and support system to her. She's told him things she's never
told anyone else. Like the fact that her herd ostracized her because
they didn't want her to contaminate their genetics. They even
suggested she get a sterilization procedure done to ensure that she'd
never have children. Oak isn't the only thing that Rose is allergic
to. She's allergic to pretty much everything that grows which means
her doe can never run through nature like it longs to do.
Fist bump, Rose. I feel ya. Nature
makes me miserable too.
Rose continues to try to get away from
the dryad, dodging a wolf dancing with a squirrel. I'm pretty sure
they're both currently in human form but the image is hilarious
anyway. She decides to hide out for a bit in the bathroom. Her
makeup could use freshening anyway and she has a makeup kit strapped
to her inner thigh because she hates carrying around a purse. This
is kind of genius but I feel like it would be in the way. She's a
size 18, not a size 8 so her thighs would likely touch. Having
something strapped there would chafe.
The dryad doesn't give up his pursuit
and he catches her in the unisex bathroom - which, by the way, is a completely stupid place to try to hide. She trips trying to get
away from him and falls on the floor. He says he has her right where
he wants her and then all of a sudden, four huge guys appear and drag
him away. One of them is super cute with an Australian accent and he
says “Are you okay, sheila?” to Rose. She thinks he's
mistaken her for someone named Sheila because apparently she doesn't
realize sheila is Australian slang for woman.
The dude is major hot with long, copper
colored hair and muscles for days. They kind of lost me with the
copper colored hair but I'll try to hang in there. She wants to have
his babies but reminds herself that she's looking for Nero. She
tells the guy he has the wrong girl and he laughs and says the
psychic owl told him he'd find his mate sprawled at his feet at the
wedding and she sure fits the description.
She wonders briefly if he could be Nero
because of the Australian thing. She expected someone short with his
chest puffed out because that's what most rooster shifters looked
like. He introduces himself as Nero and she manages to say “I
want to have your baby” before she passes out from his sheer
awesomeness.
This girl is smooth.
Rose wakes up in a strange dome-shaped
room. She thinks she might have been abducted by aliens but then
Nero walks in with a tray. He's changed from his suit to a black
t-shirt and jeans and she can't stop looking at him or
his.....ahem.....little rooster (if you know what I mean). He sits on the
bed and asks her if she's hungry. When she nods, he proceeds to feed
her chunks of watermelon as if she's somehow incapable of feeding
herself.
Nero tells her that he had a doctor
look at her and they determined she had a concussion from her fall.
Oh, and she's currently in a plane flying to Australia.
He totally just kidnapped her, y'all.
This really isn't okay.
He says she agreed to go at some point
earlier but she was concussed and doesn't remember the conversation
or consenting to the trip. She doesn't seem too bothered by this,
though. She's thrilled to be going to his family home.
He tells her again that he's pretty
sure she's his mate and since she already told him she wants to have
his babies, he's also sure she's okay with it. But there's something
she has to know. He's not an ordinary rooster. He's a 7ft tall, 600
pound rooster.
I find the idea of a 7ft tall, 600
pound rooster to be terrifying.
I guess normal shifters are 4ft
roosters weighing about 200 pounds. That's fucking scary enough. I
DO NOT WANT TO RUN INTO ONE OF THESE CHICKENS!!!!!
Rose decides to comfort him by hiking
up her skirt and straddling his lap. She can feel
his.....ahem.....little rooster (if you know what I mean) under her
but she tries to ignore it for his sake.
Um......What happened to that makeup kit she told us was strapped to her thigh? She made such a huge deal about it before and now it's just 💥poof💥. I hate it when authors do this.
He asks if she's disgusted
by him and she tells him that her doe is happy he'll be able to
protect her. He loses control of his beast then and crows which
gives her shivers in all of her timbers.
I'd be parachuting the hell off that plane but that's because 600 pound roosters TERRIFY ME.
Now Rose is nervous because she's
bigger than she thinks she should be and she's sure he couldn't
possibly find her attractive. She asks him how he feels about her
body and he answers her by grinding his little rooster against her
and telling her that he wants to.....um.......harvest her grain in
the most enthusiastic way possible (if you know what I mean).
Without further ado – and after
knowing each other for all of five minutes – he rips of her panties
and things get X-rated fast. Rose tells us that she's
never.....um........taken an oral exam (if you know what I mean) but
she's considering giving it a try. He takes of his pants and she's
shocked by the size of his “monster”.
It's a bad sign when the authors actually call it that.
I think you can predict what happens
next.
I'm not inclined to like him very much
based on how rough he treats her considering it's their first time
together and his little rooster is.....monstrous.
It must have been good though because
the epilogue tells us that they're now engaged and living happily
ever after.
What the actual fuck will their children look like? Are you picturing a 7ft tall deer with a chicken head because I am.
{{{SHUDDER}}}
Wow, that book was short.
But Nero is apparently not.
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