Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Book Description: Scarlett Rose has finally discovered that the mysterious person responsible for her attempted murder is her own future step-mother. Scarlett is determined to reveal the truth to protect her elderly father from the murderous gold digger. Devlin Lenox, the "bad twin", refuses to allow his mate to return to Dallas without him by her side for protection and support. All the stress she's been put under has caused his sweet Scarlett to become one sassy little minx. He decides she should be reminded who's boss with a night of BDSM lessons at a premier Dallas sex club. Neither expects their night of self-prescribed leather therapy to open parts of themselves they'd always kept closed.
Previously At the
Ranch...............The brothers all get together and decide that
they need to spend one-on-one time with Scarlett so she can get to
know each of them better. Since Leo and Rhett have already had their
chance, Levi is up to bat. Scarlett calls to set up a meeting with
her dad and then spends the rest of the day bopping the bull. Over
the course of the day she learns that Levi has some pretty serious
anger issues and she questions whether it would be safe to raise
little calves with him. Meanwhile, Alisa finds out Scarlett is still
alive and buys a gun. She's determined Scarlett's location and heads
toward the ranch with Todd and Dasha. And a plot C emerges as the
Darque brothers ("panther" shifters from Africa) realize the Strawberry
Girl has been located somewhere in Texas. They need her because her
children will be human and they can't get their inheritance unless
they have human children. So they're on the hunt too. Our three
would-be-assassins arrive at the ranch but Scarlett spots them and
the boys moo out. Chaos ensues but everyone gets away with only Todd
being injured (Scarlett shot him through the hand). Instead of
taking any kind of defensive measures, Scarlett and her horny boys go
back inside and resume their dirty rodeo.
Our Barnyard Beasties
Scarlett – our plucky
protagonist. She has no idea who she is or where she came from but
she knows her stepmother is trying to kill her. She just turned 21
and she has no issue with being mated to cows.
Leo (AKA Dr Moo) – a licensed
physician who is 20+ years older than our protagonist. Still no clue
what color his cow is and this bothers me for some reason.
Devlin (one of the twins) – a
dom with a bad attitude. He makes his living as a rodeo bull. He's
a black and white cow.
Denzel (the other twin) – the
sweetheart of the herd. He's the one who stays human at the rodeo to
show his brothers off. He's also a black and white cow.
Rhett, Sonny and Levi
– the triplets. Rhett is super horny, Sonny is the eternal
optimist and Levi is apparently the charmer of the herd. Not that we
know that from reading the previous books or anything. Newmar has
given us nothing about Levi other than an off-hand comment from Rhett
about his charm. They compete as rodeo bulls. They are all red
cows.
Byron – the brooder. He works
in the husbandry department of the ranch (he makes baby cows for a
living). He's a tortured soul who hates being a shifter and hates
being mated. He's a loner and only joins the others for the
spreading of the butter. He's a blue cow which actually means he's
black.
Alisa – mail order bride from
Russia determined to be a black widow. She ordered Scarlett's death
more than once but can't seem to hire a competent hit man.
Dasha – Alisa's mother. She
gave Scarlett some poisoned lube back in book 2. She's in her 40's
which makes her roughly Dr Moo's age.
Charlie – Scarlett's clueless
father. He's elderly and not in the greatest of health.
Todd – Charlie's nurse and
Alisa's lover. He's the woodsman of our fairy tale. He tried to
kill Scarlett by pushing her off a cliff but only succeeded in
introducing her to the bull brothers.
On Today's Episode of the Bold and the
Bovine............
It's the night after the assassination
attempt. Scarlett is sleeping in Devlin's bed because he's the
biggest badass of the group and she feels uneasy. She has a
nightmare which wakes him up. He calls her “Kitten” which is
sweet and reminds me of why I initially liked him. He soothes her
and tries to get her back to sleep but she's too restless. He offers
to help her sleep and she says this.....
“You mean
self-medicate myself with the most intense orgasm possibly known to
woman?”
First, ugh. That's just awful writing.
Second, no, it isn't self-medicating if he's the one giving you that
orgasm. It would only be self-medicating if you were getting
yourself off.
Scarlett tells us how much both Devlin
and Denzel like.......ahem........dining on her lady flower if you
know what I mean. She says she enjoys it so much that she often
passes out afterwards. That sounds like a serious medical issue that
Dr Moo should probably investigate.
A bunch of dirty talk proceeds the main
event and honestly it isn't sexy at all. It's done so awkwardly that
it sounds like a 12-year-old wrote it with his pants down sitting in front of
his computer monitor so he could post it to pornhub. Thing progress
in predictable fashion and then.........
“Please [dine on my
lady flower] for me. [Dine on my lady flower] so good that I pass
out right on your face, cowboy.”
So
eloquent. So aspirational. If only I could write like this literary genius.
Sigh.
Devlin
takes the time to remind us that he's a “Dom” and doesn't take
orders from anyone. But he loves her so much that he's willing to
let it slide. He does his duty and she indeed goes to sleep after
which is just a blessing to us all.
When she
gets up the next morning she's surprised to find that Devlin is the
only one home. He's making poached eggs and peppers for breakfast
and she teases him about cooking light when the others always make
pancakes and bacon. She asks where everyone is and he tells her that
he asked to have breakfast with her alone before they go to Dallas to
meet her dad. She instantly crosses her arms over her breasts and
stomps her foot like a four-year-old (again - she pulled this crap in Levi's book too.......or was it Rhett's?......I can't tell them apart) and says that she wanted
to have them all there before she left and she can't believe Devlin
would “purposely defy” her like that.
I'm
sorry, y'all, but this bitch is thoroughly unlikable. I know they
have no choice because she's their intended mate and all but they
could do MUCH better than this spoiled, immature brat.
Devlin
tells her that he's looking out for her. She's under so much stress
right now and they're all afraid that she might make herself sick
trying to handle all of them at once. Then this........
“So I began the day
with a lighter breakfast to keep your strength up with healthy
calories.”
NOBODY
TALKS LIKE THIS, NEWMAR!!!!!
Scarlett
literally screeches at him that he's being a controlling,
chauvinistic pig and treating her like a second-class citizen.
Overreact much? She keeps screeching and pounding her fists on the
marble counter and it's just bizarre. This little fit isn't much
different than Levi losing his temper in the last book (which she
judged him for pretty hardcore) and the irony of it is just killing
me right now.
It's a
bad move on her part too because Devlin isn't much inclined to be
screeched at. He calmly tells her that she's a control freak but he's not going to be controlled. Which is pretty much just the same
thing Scarlett said to him only he's saying it while taking his belt
off. I feel like he's going to make me hate him again in about three
seconds.
Fortunately,
he just uses the belt to restrain her hands and she gets super
excited. He orders her to bend over the table and tells her that her
training as his submissive is going to start now. She starts sending
off extremely mixed signals (She LOVES it – she HATES it – she's
SCARED – she's PROTECTED). It makes me dizzy. Pick a persona,
Scarlett.
We hop
into Alisa's head now. Dasha has decided that they aren't the best
of hit men (YOU THINK???) and her new plan is to give Scarlett to
some human traffickers. Alisa isn't so sure about that but she does remember those Darque brothers from the sex club and she wonders if she might be able to put them to good use. They're all worried about what Scarlett is going
to tell her dad about them so Alisa plans to get to him first. She's
going to reveal that Scarlett is....ahem.....servicing seven men at
one time on a regular basis because this will somehow make him not
care that Alisa tried to kill his daughter. I guess??
We're
back with Scarlett. She's getting ready to talk to her father and
she's nervous. When she arrives, however, his secretary tells her
that their lunch has been canceled. Not only that but he doesn't want the
secretary to reschedule. Scarlett is angry and hurt. She decides to
just go up to her dad's office to see what the hell is going on.
Charlie
isn't happy to see her. He won't let her speak and his treatment of
Scarlett has Devlin literally growling. Charlie says that Alisa has
told him all about Scarlett's multiple orgies with seven men (Alisa
told him a concerned neighbor called her) and he doesn't want
anything to do with her. Devlin counters with the accusation that
Alisa and Todd have tried to kill Scarlett more than once and that
Alisa is clearly sleeping with Todd. Charlie laughs and says
this.........
“Todd over there is
as gay as a unicorn dipped in K-Y and rolled in glitter.”
I seriously can't tell if that's hilarious or offensive. Newmar's
writing is frying my brain.
Alisa's
phone starts to ring and Todd tries to turn it off, accidentally
taking a picture instead. The picture has Scarlett yelling and it
reveals the Strawberry Girl mark on her tongue. Which I'm sure will
be very important soon.
Charlie
tells Scarlett that she either choses the cows or him and Scarlett
says she can't do that. She and Devlin are escorted out by security.
After
they leave, Alisa calls one of those Darque brothers. She tells him
about Scarlett, the seven shape-shifting bull brothers and the stupid
mark on the tongue. He offers her three million dollars to tell him
where the ranch is. She tells him she doesn't want his money but she
wants Scarlett gone permanently. He assures her that once they get
Scarlett, Alisa will never see her again.
We're
back in Devlin's head and he decides the best thing to do is to take
her to that sex club that we visited with her and Rhett. Scarlett
isn't happy when they pull into the parking lot. She begs him to
just take her home but he feels like he needs to teach her a lesson
about submitting to his authority or something stupid like that.
It turns
out Devlin has his own room in the basement. He finds them outfits –
his includes leather chaps in case you're wondering – and tells her
to get dressed. They go over the “rules” and he makes
sure she understands what is expected of her. They establish a safe
word although I swear the way he talks it sounds like he's prepared
to ignore it and that's a huge no-no in the BDSM world. Devlin
leaves at that point to talk to the owner of the club about Alisa and
a woman named Jane comes in to prepare Scarlett for her
“scene”.
There's
a very lengthy discussion about collars. Scarlett wants one but Jane
tells her that collaring is a very important ceremony, almost like a
wedding in the BDSM world. It's very meaningful and not just for
fun. Scarlett hopes Devlin plans to collar her soon.
I'm not
even going to describe the next chapter because it could be extremely
triggering to a lot of people. After that part is done, Devlin
carries her off to do the aftercare stuff that a lot of authors tend
to skip over when they try to write BDSM. He asks her a list of questions about how she's
feeling as he cares for her wounds. She seems happy and content and
he's relieved.
Now
we're back at the ranch and Scarlett is cooking breakfast for her
mates wearing nothing but an apron. They decide they want to frolic
on the front porch and Scarlett ends up Obeying Obama a few times (if
you know what I mean – if you don't, read the last damn recap).
Devlin tells her that they're going to pass her back and forth now
and she's not to touch the ground. If she does, it will display a
lack of trust in them.
Does
this make sense to any of you, because it makes no sense to me.
What
happens next is even more physically impossible than what happened on
the horse in the last book. I'm not even kidding. Bodies do not
remotely work this way. At one point she's completely hanging upside
down (think knees around Dr Moo's shoulders and head by his shins) but he's still....ahem....engaged and I'm sorry but that's a
downward angle on her......ahem.......channel and a man's anatomy
isn't downward at this kind of moment. When she's upside down, she
Obeys Obama a few more times with Byron and one of the triplets. She's really into pleasing the
president. Then she's passed to Denzel and he puts her up on his shoulders, facing his mouth so he can.....obey Michelle I guess?? Anyway, he's standing at this point, she's up around his neck and one of the triplets decides to show his little cowpoke to her exit, if you know what I mean. Um. How???? Her ass is literally shoulder high on Denzel. I'm sorry but there's no way in hell that Levi's......ahem.....stalagmite is able to reach that dark cave. I really think Newmar has no idea how sex even happens or what the basic anatomy of a male and female look like.
This
goes on and on until she receives her bull batter from all seven brothers
and has her vision. This time she realizes there are security cameras
hidden in Charlie's study. This is significant because one of her
earlier visions was of Todd and Alisa getting frisky in there. She
realizes there must be video evidence. She goes inside to get a
pen and paper so she can write down.....something. I don't even
fucking know at this point and I'm pretty sure Newmar doesn't either.
When she gets back outside, the brothers are kneeling and holding a
pearl collar with a cameo on it.
The book
abruptly ends right there. Nice, Newmar. Really nice.
Well, we
only have one more even though we know we won't get to the end of the
story. At least it's Byron. I swear he and Denzel are the only ones
I can stand at this point. I'm sure that will all be ruined as soon
as I start Byron's book.
Special
Note: Y'all, I have searched and searched for the last three books
and I can't find mention of them anywhere on the internet. I've
checked her original publisher, I've checked all the book sites that
I know, I've Googled and clicked and jumped into rabbit holes. I
even found her facebook page. On it, she announces the release of
Byron's book and then the last post is her saying that Sonny's book
is almost done. Then nothing. There hasn't been a post since 2012.
No announcement of Sonny's book or any other book. Does that mean
they never actually got published at all? Am I chasing books that
don't even exist??
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