Sunday, March 17, 2019

Nuts About You (Nutty Romances #1) by Kate Lowell

**This blog contains adult language and discussion of....ahem....adult activities.**

Warning: Contains Spoilers!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself.  Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the book completely and utterly spoiled.

Book Description: Nathan's been crushing on one of his regular Bulk Mart customers for awhile now.  In squirrel form, he sits on Vince's bird feeders, munching on seeds and enjoying the eye candy.  Until the day Vince notices him raiding the feeder....

This book was published in 2013 and this is my first reading.


We begin with our protagonist Nathan at a grocery store scoping out Vince as he scoops birdseed into a little bag. Nathan knows Vince's name because he peeked at Vince's credit card the last time he was in the store. Nathan thinks Vince is a trust fund sounding name which is hilarious because every Vince I've ever known in real life has been pretty poor. Nathan begins fantasizing about Vince's hot bod and it makes him “hard as a Macadamia nutshell” but luckily he's wearing an oversized apron as part of the grocery store uniform and it hides his inconvenient condition.

Vince comes to check out in Nathan's lane and greets him by name which flusters Nathan to no end. They make conversation as Nathan scans Vince's groceries. He asks about all the bird food and Vince replies that a “damn squirrel” is raiding his bird feeders. Nathan feels guilty because the squirrel in question is him. Nathan has been hanging around two of Vince's feeders – the one that gives him a view of Vince in the shower and the one that lets him watch Vince watch TV in his boxers. Vince is clearly annoyed with the 'squirrel' and Nathan is a little sad about that.

Now we're with Nathan in squirrel form. He's managed to stay away from Vince's house for two whole days because he knows Vince is annoyed with him but he can't deny the urge to peep any longer.

I'm totally flashing back to the episode of Daria when she, Jane, Trent and Jesse go on a road trip to Alternapalooza and she has to pee in the woods. Apparently there's a squirrel watching her and she yells “stop staring at me, you squirrel pervert” or something like that. We totally have a squirrel pervert on our hands here.

Vince is in the shower and Nathan watches him shampoo his hair and then reach for the body wash. It's almond scented – Nathan knows because Vince bought it at his store. He constantly goes down the soap aisle and sniffs it while he's at work. He even keeps a bottle of it by his bed so he can sniff it while he......ahem......polishes the peanut if you know what I mean.

Vince gives himself a thorough washing and apparently he enjoys it because he gets his own macadamia situation going on. Nathan is shocked because Vince is a grower, not a shower. Vince begins to engage in a little 'menage a' moi' and Nathan desperately wants to follow suit but he can't.....because claws. He gets so into the show going on that he falls off the bird feeder and has to race up the tree and back out to the feeder, hoping he doesn't miss the end. He gets back into place just in time to see Vince....ahem.....paint his shower walls if you know what I mean.

That evening he goes back to watch Vince watch TV. He's sitting on the bird feeder eating peanuts.....wait, do backyard birds eat peanuts?......why would peanuts be in the feeder?.......off to Google......there are several backyard birds that eat peanuts......I learn something from this blog every day but usually it's just euphemisms for semen. Anyway, he's on the bird feeder eating peanuts when Vince comes out screaming for him to scram. Vince throws a shoe at him and it knocks him off the bird feeder. He lands hard in the yard and sees Vince looming over him. He thinks he's a goner but Vince apologizes and says he just meant to scare him away.

Next thing he knows, Nathan is being gently picked up and cuddled next to Vince's chest. Vince carries him into the house and suddenly Nathan senses that he's about to lose control of his shift. It happens sometimes when his animal form gets injured or tired. He thinks he has maybe five minutes and he begins looking for an open window that he can flee out of.

Vince puts him on the table and says he's going to call the vet. He's wrapped up in Vince's t-shirt and he's having a little trouble getting untangled. As Vince talks on the phone to the vet, Nathan gets himself free and spots an open window. He makes a dash for it but there's a screen and he bounces off, landing in a sink full of soapy water. Vince carefully plucks him out and starts to carry him back to the table but Nathan has run out of time.

He shifts back to human form right there in the kitchen and he's embarrassed and humiliated. Vince, of course, recognizes him. He's really freaked out and Nathan tries to reassure him that he's not dangerous. Vince begins to calm down and even smiles at the memory of Nathan smacking into the screen. He asks if he hurt Nathan with the shoe and Nathan replies that he was just stunned when he hit the ground.

Vince asks him if he feels “screwed at all by fate” because he's a squirrel and not a wolf or tiger or something. Nathan says he doesn't mind being a squirrel. He doesn't like excitement so much and squirrels can go pretty much anywhere without being noticed. Wolves and tigers definitely attract attention in suburban America. Vince asks if this is the first time Nathan has been to his house and Nathan doesn't want to lie to him so he admits he's the one who has been raiding the bird feeders.

Vince catches on pretty quickly and asks Nathan if he's been in the other tree – the one that looks into the shower. Nathan feels awful. He apologizes and says he'll leave. He'll even get a new job so Vince doesn't have to see him anymore. Vince tells him not to be so hasty. He asks if Nathan liked what he saw and, of course, Nathan admits that he did. Vince smiles and says he was thinking of Nathan while he was doing his....ahem....'monologue' and then he kisses him.

Vince admits that the reason he has so damn many bird feeders is so he can go to the store a lot for bird seed and see Nathan. They kiss again and things rapidly get a little frisky. Vince suggests they go to the bedroom because the cold tile floor just isn't that comfortable but Nathan has an insecure moment. He remembers Vince commenting on the “fat squirrel” and he's not sure his body is Vince's type. Vince assures him in pretty graphic ways that he's warm for Nathan's form.

When they get to the bedroom, Vince excuses himself for a moment and comes back with a small brown bottle. It turns out he's a massage therapist and he uses hazelnut oil which makes Nathan perk up in anticipation. Vince begins to massage him and finds Nathan to be highly sensitive and reactive. Nathan explains it's because squirrels are prey animals and they tend to be excitable. Vince finds a particularly sensitive spot at the base of Nathan's spine and Nathan explains that's where his tail forms when he shifts.

The massage gets pretty intense and then Nathan decides he wants to return the favor a little. He decides to show Vince just how orally motivated squirrels can be. That goes on for awhile and then they move onto the main event. Vince says he needs a condom but Nathan says it isn't necessary. They aren't the same species. There are things he can get and things Vince can get but they aren't the same things. He can't give Vince anything and Vince can't give him anything.

Some very well written sex follows. It's sweet and really very beautiful considering the type of book I'm reading here. They cuddle afterwards.

We take a time hop. Nathan tells us that he and Vince have been dating for awhile but they haven't had sex again. He's made a vow not to spy on Vince anymore but he wakes up on this particular day with a yearning to watch Vince shower again. When he gets to the tree in squirrel form, he sees that Vince has made him a shelf to sit on by the bird feeder and filled it with hazelnuts.

Vince comes in to take a shower, carrying a small bottle that Nathan doesn't recognize at first. He's getting all turned on watching Vince and wants to join him but doesn't want Vince to know he's spying again. Suddenly Vince looks straight at him and then holds up the little bottle. It's peanut butter.

Vince opens the window and motions to Nathan. He says it's about time he showed up again and asks if he's coming in.

The book ends there. I liked this one. It was sweet.  There are sequels but I'm not really motivated to read them.  I think I'll just leave this series here and believe that Nathan and Vince found their happily ever after. 💖

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