Warning: Contains Spoilers!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Book Description: Scarlett Rose can't remember anything about the accident that had caused her amnesia. But she soon discovers that mating with her seven longhorn-shifter mates causes certain memories to return. She and her cowboys make it their mission to bring her justice and find the person responsible for her attempted murder. With all the stress his poor little mate has been going through, Levi thinks Scarlett could use a relaxing day to get to know what real cowboy lovin' entails before she heads out on her search. The free-spirited blond is just the Lenox brother to show the raven-haired beauty. He's noticed the way she watches him while he works the ranch, and he knows she's aching for a roll in the haystack. He decides to take her for a buck wild ride of barnyard sex, rope and lots of lassoing.This book was published in 2011 and this is my first time reading it.
Previously at the Ranch.......It's
THREE DAYS after Scarlett met the cows of her dreams and learned that
she's the fabled Strawberry Girl. She has amnesia but being covered
in bull butter leads to visions of her life. In book 2 she had a
vision of a sculpture in a gallery that Denzel recognized. In book
3, the sculpture was suddenly in an office building instead of a gallery and Scarlett and
Rhett set out on their own to find it and get some information.
Along the way, Rhett gets a taste of his own....ahem....love porridge
if you know what I mean and has a vision of his own. He sees the
truck from Scarlett's vision pulling up to a sex club so he decides
to stop off there to see if they can run into the truck. The truck
isn't there so they have sex in front of a whole bunch of people
instead. It turns out they didn't wait long enough because Alisa,
Dasha and Todd arrive at the sex club and are stunned to see Scarlett
alive. Alisa watches footage of Rhett and Scarlett together and is
shocked to see his cow tongue and horns. She bribes the owner for
information but not about Rhett. About some hyena shifters who use
the club as well. Which....you know....makes perfect sense....somewhere. Rhett and Scarlett get her address from the
receptionist at the office building and find her apartment cleaned
out. The book ends with Scarlett having yet another semen induced
vision and realizing that the person who tried to kill her was her
stepmother.
Our Barnyard Beasties
Scarlett – our plucky
protagonist. She has no idea who she is or where she came from but
she knows her stepmother is trying to kill her. She just turned 21
and she has no issue with being mated to cows.
Leo (AKA Dr Moo) – a licensed
physician who is 20+ years older than our protagonist. Still no clue
what color his cow is and this bothers me for some reason.
Devlin (one of the twins) – a
dom with a bad attitude. He makes his living as a rodeo bull. He's
a black and white cow.
Denzel (the other twin) – the
sweetheart of the herd. He's the one who stays human at the rodeo to
show his brothers off. He's also a black and white cow.
Rhett, Sonny and Levi
– the triplets. Rhett is super horny, Sonny is the eternal
optimist and Levi is apparently the charmer of the herd. Not that we
know that from reading the previous books or anything. Newmar has
given us nothing about Levi other than an off-hand comment from Rhett
about his charm. They compete as rodeo bulls. They are all red
cows. Levi has a white patch on his rump.
Byron – the brooder. He works
in the husbandry department of the ranch (he makes baby cows for a
living). He's a tortured soul who hates being a shifter and hates
being mated. He's a loner and only joins the others for the
spreading of the butter. He's a blue cow which actually means he's
black.
Alisa – mail order bride from
Russia determined to be a black widow. She ordered Scarlett's death
more than once but can't seem to hire a competent hit man.
Dasha – Alisa's mother. She
gave Scarlett some poisoned lube back in book 2. She's in her 40's
which makes her roughly Dr Moo's age.
Charlie – Scarlett's clueless
father. He's elderly and not in the greatest of health.
Todd – Charlie's nurse and
Alisa's lover. He's the woodsman of our fairy tale. He tried to
kill Scarlett by pushing her off a cliff but only succeeded in
introducing her to the bull brothers.
So the copyright page of this book
mentions that it's book 4 of 9 but Amazon only lists 6 of them. I
went to the publisher to investigate but they only had the ones
Amazon has. So I don't know what happened to the other 3. I'll keep
looking into it but if the publisher isn't listing them, I'm not sure
they actually exist.
On Today's Episode of the Bold and the
Bovine..........
We begin with our favorite cow brothers
holding a meeting while Scarlett uses the shower in Dr Moo's room.
They've decided that the best way to make Scarlett comfortable is to
let her have one day one-on-one with each of them so she can get to
know them better. She's already spent a day with Dr Moo and with
Rhett and Levi feels like it's his turn. I feel like this is a
pretty good guess on his part since the damn book is named after him.
Dr Moo goes into this long speech about
how Scarlett can “fuck like an angel” but she needs
security and stability with her partners.
What the hell does 'fuck like an angel'
even mean?
Scarlett is planning to call her dad to
set up a meeting. Denzel is going to help her with that phone call.
Then Dr Moo wants everyone to make themselves scarce so Levi and
Scarlett can bond.
We leap into Scarlett's head as she's
doing her makeup. She's super jumpy which is understandable since
people keep trying to kill her. It's been 6 DAYS since she met the
guys and she's ready to start a happy little family with them.
Denzel walks in to bring her coffee and he's shirtless for some
reason. She can't keep her eyes off his chest and immediately she
begins to feel.....those special feelings. Which he can apparently
smell and I find that disturbing really.
Newmar loses complete track of her
story only 11% in and tells us that Scarlett is repairing her makeup
because she just had sex. No, Newmar, dear, Scarlett is putting
makeup ON because she just had a fucking shower. This is not hard.
Denzel brings her into an office of
some sort and coaches her through the call to her father. She asks
to meet him in Dallas the next day for lunch. She's pretty freaked
all during the call because she still mostly has amnesia and she
doesn't want him to know she can't remember anything. Denzel
whispers her through it and she hangs up the call. She's anxious for
all this to be over so she can start working on some babies with
these men she met less than a week ago.
The twins take off for town to get
supplies and Dr Moo and two of the triplets have melted into the
scenery as well. Scarlett finds it kind of odd as she makes tea. At
least Byron is home but he's sound asleep since he worked all night.
Levi calls her outside before her tea is done and she turns off the
kettle to join him. He asks her if she wants to go for a ride on
Wayne (it's the horse, people – get those minds out of the gutter).
She's wearing nothing but a robe so she wants to go change but he
pulls her up on the horse in front of him and them promptly bares her
chest for all the world to see.
Well, they live on a ranch so there's
really no one there to see. They think. For all they know, those
horses could be people part time too. And maybe the javelinas from
book one. And a bird or two.
She's not happy and tells him she's not
comfortable being topless outside. He tells her to give it a try and
she stops fighting him. I can't imagine having unrestrained breasts
on a horse is any fun. They're going to give her a concussion or
something. They ride along and it she decides she'd be much more
comfortable entirely naked so she loses the robe.
What follows is very unrealistic and
makes me feel sorry for the horse. I really don't think what they
did is physically possible and I can't imagine any horse standing for
it. But they have their fun. Afterwards Levi tells us how nice it
is that Scarlett is “natural” right now without any makeup on.
What the actual fuck, Newmar? We're
23% into this and you've royally fucked up twice now. Yes, SHE HAS MAKEUP ON. She was putting it on earlier before the phone call.
This is just inexcusable.
Levi takes her to a field where he has
a picnic laid out. He tells her that he can't wait for her memory to
come back so he can get to know her properly. She says it's kind of
nice to be starting all over. Now she can be whoever she wants to
be. He says that none of them will stand in her way as long as she
doesn't “sleep around on” them. This pisses Scarlett off and she
literally crosses her arms over her naked breasts and stomps away
like a 4-year-old.
Levi tries to get her to stop but she
won't, so he lassos her. Yep. You read that right. He ties one end
to the horse and then goes and retrieves her. She's pretty pissed
and can't move her arms. He carries her back to the quilt he has
laying out for their picnic and ties her up. She decides she likes
where this is going and invites him to join her. He sprouts his
horns.
So during the very detailed sex scene,
Newmar completely forgets where Levi has his....ahem....six shooter
pointed if you know what I mean. He's enjoying the amenities of the
back yard when Newmar completely forgets and says he's frolicking in
the front garden instead. A second later he's back in the unloading
zone so I know he didn't just....relocate. I don't know what's going
on with her in this book. It's awful.
They talk a little post-orgasm about a
vision he had while pre-orgasm. Which Newmar never bothered to
mention at the time. She just throws it at the end as an 'oh, yeah'
kind of moment. He saw a little of Scarlett's life and it was
incredibly lonely. She was always by herself. He vows that will
never happen again. She'll always have her personal herd of cows to
keep her company. That makes her feel loved.
Suddenly, Levi and Scarlett are waking
up in a hammock in the back yard completely naked. It's a good thing
these people don't have neighbors. I wonder if they rode the horse
back naked or if they got dressed, rode back, got naked again and
fell asleep on the hammock. I know I'm thinking about this too much
but I can't get over how uncomfortable it would be to be naked on a
horse. Saddles weren't made to straddle with bare bits.
They joke with each other about being
exhausted from having all the sex and suddenly things get a little
real for Levi. He realizes how physically and emotionally demanding
it must be for one woman to have seven mates and he remembers his
mother walking away from it all. He reminds her that they all love
her and want to take care of her and they don't want her to exhaust
herself trying to please them. She admits that having seven husbands
is going to be a lot of work but she thinks they're all worth it.
YOU'VE KNOWN THEM LESS THAN A
WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somehow this turns into Scarlett
licking his “drooling” lollipop. Yes, Newmar described it
as drooling. It's truly a gross image for me. Drooling is not
sexy.
And then this happens. “She slid
her tight mouth.... (several words omitted here by me for
decency)..... like she was on a mission from Obama himself.”
What the FUCK? Since when did Obama
hand out BJ missions? I'm sure there are a lot of guys out there
wondering how the hell they missed this little presidential
directive. That is, by far, the stupidest sentence I've EVER read
while working on any of my blogs and that says a lot
This one made me snort too. “For
a moment, he almost felt bad for how much semen he was sure he'd
produced.” Don't feel bad, Levi. You're just doing your civic
duty for the president.
Levi apparently assists in the
husbandry area of the ranch but on the other end of things. He
assists with the deliveries of the babies when the time comes.
Scarlett finds this fascinating so he takes her out to see some of
the mamas and babies when they get finished obeying Obama (which is
totally what I'm going to call BJ's on this blog from now on).
Scarlett finds Levi to be “a very emotionally mature young man”
but we don't get to see why because Newmar is intent on never
actually showing us anything but how Levi uses his....ahem....winking
willie if you know what I mean.
Scarlett decides Levi will be an
amazing father because he's good with little cows.
Suddenly we're at a diner. I don't
know when they left the baby cows. Newmar is seriously just throwing
words on the paper at this point. I really hope they got dressed. They talk about Levi's childhood a
little and the most interesting thing here is that Newmar spells
Santa's last name “Clause” repeatedly. Sigh.
The diner is full of dusty ranch hands
that look at Scarlett like “some wounded animal with tits”.
Poetic, Newmar. Levi, apparently clueless to this, excuses himself
to go to the bathroom after they place their order for two pieces of
pie. I mean, they don't actually place their order. They ask
the waitress what kind the diner has, the waitress lists them off and
Scarlett says “that sounds good, thank you”. So maybe
they ordered ALL the pie? {{{Shrug}}}. Anyway, Levi walks off.
The ranch hands start hitting on her
very sleazily as soon as Levi is out of sight. Scarlett sits down to
endure it, thinking only of getting back into Levi's “thick,
fragrant arms”. Was that supposed to sound as repulsive as it
did, Newmar? One of the men approaches her to spread his sleaze a
little better and Scarlett punches him. Like just flat-out hauls off
and punches him right in the face. It's a weak, stupid little punch
because Newmar needs Scarlett to be rescued, not take care of
herself. Sure enough, the ranch hand calls her a 'see you next
Tuesday' and grabs her ass and then Levi saves the day.
Levi's eyes go orange as he calls the
man an “inbred rat raised by a dumb bitch of a mother”
which just seems super rude to me unless Levi actually knows the
man's mother. Maybe she did the best she could, Levi, you
horn-sprouting asshole. The other men tell Levi to let him go and he
lets out a deafening growl that hurts Scarlett's ears and clears the
rest of the diner out real damn fast.
The waitress and the cook are
terrified. Scarlett approaches Levi to get him to release the ranch
hand and Levi slaps her hand away. That's a deal breaker right
there, Scarlett. The ranch hand, clearly possessing some kind of
death wish (suicide by cow) kicks Scarlett hard in the stomach
sending her flying. Levi throws him into the jukebox. Scarlett is
sure Levi is going to kill the guy so she tries again. She asks him
to let the guy go and Levi now growls his deafening growl at her. It
makes her cry and suddenly he snaps out of his rage so he can hold
her gently. The ranch hand escapes.
The diner is now empty except the two
of them and the waitress and the cook who are so terrified of Levi
that they start backing away when he tries to apologize to them. He
writes them a check for $10,000 to cover their damage and their
distress. Then he cleans up the mess from the broken jukebox,
looking thoroughly ashamed of himself. Scarlett feels ashamed too as
she watches the cook and the waitress shake with fear the entire
time.
Scarlett ends up sitting in the truck
while Levi finishes making his amends. She's very worried about the
scope of his temper.....for good reason. She worries that he might
react like that someday in the future if one of their kids angers
him. She's worried he could turn his fury on a helpless toddler.
Valid. When Levi gets back in the truck she lets him have it. She
tells him she wants to raise children with him someday (YOU'VE KNOWN
HIM FOR SIX DAYS) and she can't do that if he can't “control his
bull”.
They drive home in silence, Scarlett
clearly very upset. When they get to the ranch, all six of his
brothers are standing on the porch. Through their 'mate bond' or
whatever it's called, they sensed Scarlett was upset. She jumps out
of the truck before Levi even gets it to a complete stop and runs
right for Dr Moo. He wraps her up in his arms and takes her inside,
the twins and Byron following him. Sonny and Rhett approach the
truck with their arms crossed and their faces stormy.
Levi goes into defense mode. He says
she was being sexually assaulted in the diner, which....accurate....,
and he was defending her honor. They get that but they point out
that Scarlett is scared right now and that's a dangerous thing. If
she gets too scared of them, she might leave and they'll lose their
mate. Without her, they'll all slowly die. Levi suddenly realizes
he might have put his brothers' lives in danger and he's instantly
remorseful. He says his head is all messed up. The more he falls
for Scarlett the more he worries she'll walk out like their mom did.
He can't handle his emotions right now and he quickly undresses,
shifts and takes off running. They don't follow.
We were told at the beginning of this
book that every Lenox man had a secret. Apparently Levi's secret is
his anger management problem. I'm not sure we ever learned Leo's or
Rhett's unless Rhett's was that he loves country music. (Lame
secret, Newmar) Levi hates the fear he saw in Scarlett's eyes and
her implication that he might someday hurt a child but he takes her
concern as proof she'll be a “kick-ass mother”.
We jump into Alisa's head for the first
time all book. She's recently bought a gun which she says is
alarmingly easy to do in Texas. She needs money to get a broken
fingernail fixed so she pulls down her top to let Charlie suck her
nipples and then he hands her cash. Wow. Think of all the women out
there doing that for free that could be charging. All the while she
tells us about how hard her life in Russia was and what kinds of
things she had to do to survive. She fills us in on her scheme to
marry a rich American and then kill him. Seducing Todd is all part
of it since he's Charlie's nurse. Todd won't be part of her future,
though. The money will belong to her and Dasha only. I feel like
Todd's days on earth might be a little numbered.
Charlie finishes his transaction and
tells Alisa that he heard from Scarlett. She's shocked and gets a
little light-headed. Charlie tells her that Scarlett is back from
her trip and they're going to meet the next day for lunch. Alisa
knows she can't let this happen. She calls Todd and asks him to meet
her in a restaurant and then goes to get her mother. They decide
they have to go back to the ranch to take care of Scarlett before she
can meet with her father.
Suddenly we're back at the sex club
with those hyena shifters from the last book. Jameson, Jones
and Johnny Darque are heading in for a night of fun. In
total, there are five of them and they're all “into hardcore
kink”. They're on a search for the Strawberry Girl because
their grandmother will only give them their inheritance if they
produce human grandchildren. They need to find her fast. Once a
woman is impregnated by a shifter, she can never get pregnant by any
other man.
Wait.
So does this mean only one of the cows
can sire her children? The way they've been talking they all expect
her to have their child. I'm confused, Newmar.
Anyway, if the Darques don't find the
Strawberry Girl before she gets pregnant, they can never have their
human children and they'll lose the money they love so much.
Plot B is just as dumb as Plot A.
The boys have offered a million dollar
reward for anyone who can lead them to the girl and some information
has been coming in about the Lenox brothers suddenly finding a mate.
They're here to check it out.
Fuck me. Suddenly they're panther
shifters. Did I blog it wrong last book? I'm going to check.
OH MY GOD.
Not only were they HYENA shifters but
their name was RAZO. I know, I know, you're going to tell me that
these are just different guys. But they aren't. It talks
about Alisa contacting them because she got their info from the guy
at the club and everything else (number, names, location of origin)
matches up perfectly. What the hell, Newmar?
Jameson is all set to meet Alisa while
they're in the area. He plans to use her as amusement while he
searches for the Strawberry Girl.
Now we're with Sonny. It's nighttime
now and he can hear Scarlett crying behind Byron's door. He tells us
that Scarlett opted to sleep with Byron that night since he wouldn't
be getting up anytime soon.
NEWMAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BYRON FUCKING WORKS AT NIGHT. This is
a well-established fact. He works all night and sleeps all day.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????????????????????? I feel like we should
send help right now because maybe you've had a stroke. Of course,
this was eight years ago so it's probably too late.
Sonny creeps into Byron's room to find
Scarlett crying in bed. Byron is sound asleep, acting like the big
spoon but apparently her tears, which were loud enough for Sonny to
hear from another room entire, haven't woken him up at all. Sonny
motions for Scarlett to join him out in the hall and she carefully
gets out of bed.
Sonny takes her back to her room so
they can talk but he pulls off his pants before he gets in bed with
her which doesn't seem very conducive to conversation. She asks him
if he thinks any of this is going to work out and he says he hopes
so. Relationships take effort every day to make them work and
they're all going to have to make that effort. He tells her a little
about their mom. She felt overworked and under appreciated. She
felt like she wasn't getting attention from her mates and she was
aggravated that they never helped her with the house or the kids.
One day she just left. Soon after, all his dads died either by
accident or intentionally. No one is sure.
Scarlett feels like she misjudged Levi
a little harshly. I have no idea why. Sonny says Levi is worried
about the future (Scarlett possibly leaving) when he should be
worried about the present (making her happy so she won't want to
leave). Sonny is oddly wise.
They start to do the horizontal tango
and the door suddenly opens. Levi walks in. He apologizes to
Scarlett and she invites him to join the fun. Things get very
descriptive. I still squick out at the idea that they're brothers.
It jerks me out of the story every damn time.
But they totally Obey Obama.
We're with Todd, Alisa and Dasha now.
They have the gun and they're heading for the ranch. They park a
distance away and then go to peek in the windows where they get an
eyeful of Scarlett doing all seven of the brothers at once. When
they sprout horns, Alisa is so startled that she screams. Scarlett
and her herd turn to see the three would-be-assassins standing at the
window. Scarlett screams that Alisa is the one who poisoned her and
all hell breaks loose.
Leo shifts and runs right through the
window. All the boys erupt on the lawn and start giving chase.
Byron and Levi also shift while the others stay in human form. Todd gets
cornered by Levi and Scarlett realizes he has a gun. She goes to get
one of the guns the boys have in the house and she takes aim,
shooting Todd through the hand before he can pull the trigger. In
the end, Dasha, Todd and Alisa escape which just seems stupid to me.
There's no way those boys would let those people go. Whatever,
Newmar.
Scarlett is worried the trio might tell
someone about the whole cow shifting thing but Leo reassures her that
even if they do, no one would ever believe them. They're going to
continue with their plan for Scarlett to meet her father for lunch and Devlin
is going to be the one to go with her. Scarlett is happy about that
because Devlin is the nastiest of the bunch and therefore the most
apt to be able to protect her.
The book ends with them going inside to
finish their fun. I guess they're just going to forget about the
gaping hole in Sonny's room??
Devlin's book is next. I'll get to it at some point.
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