Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Swim Deeper by TS Joyce

**This blog contains adult language and discussion of.....ahem....adult activities.**

Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!!  This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.

Book Description: Reporter, Bre Hayne, is on the hunt for a story.  Finally her big career break has fallen into her lap, and she has the chance to get the scoop on one of the notoriously private shifters.  Not many of them exist but one Holt Lachlan has put an ad out for a mate, and Bre is up for the challenge.  She'll pretend to be interested, gather intel on him, and then scoot out of Uncertain, Texas just as fast as her old junker truck can speed her back to the news station.  But the deeper into the story she goes, the more she realizes maybe Holt isn't the one who is the monster.  Maybe it's her.  Alligator shifter, Holt Lachlan, is the center of an unfortunate legend.  His family name has been tarnished by these swamps for generations, and he has to go outside of the town to try to find a mate.  Desperate for something to occupy his inner animal, he meets up with a spunky Bre, and tells her the rules.  The most important rule?  Pretend he's normal.  Ignore the growling, don't pay attention to his eye color, and definitely don't go anywhere near the waters of Uncertain Swamp at night.  He's protective of his territory, but the more he gets to know the bold and beguiling woman who has answered his ad, the more he thinks she just might survive his dark secrets.....But will he survive hers?

This book was published in 2019 and this is my first time reading it.  I'll warn you ahead of time that it's much better written than our usual on this blog and I didn't even get to.....ahem....bust out any of my usual euphemisms.  Sad, I know.

We begin with Brian and Bre. I think he's a news producer of some sort and she's a reporter. She's not really wanting to do whatever they're there to do but Brian keeps insisting that “he's not human” so it doesn't matter. Brian is tired of doing crap stories and he's ready for this big break. He says that their target is “a mutant” and Bre doesn't need to feel any remorse for what they're about to do.

Apparently in this universe, shifters are a known thing. They're considered very dangerous and they live on the fringes of society. This one in particular had put out an ad looking for a mate and a woman named Cara answered it. Instead of giving the shifter her info, though, Cara sold the story to Brian and he had Cara give the shifter Bre's information instead. So he's basically pimping Bre out for a story and Cara is traitor.

It should be noted that one of the biggest plot holes of the entire book happened in the first few pages.  We're told that the shifter advertised on something called "The Holler" which is a message board or forum type place that humans don't have access to.  But he advertised for a HUMAN mate.  Why would he advertise for a human mate in a place where supposedly no humans would read it?  It doesn't make any sense at all and we never get any kind of explanation for it.

The shifter's house is in the middle of a swamp in Uncertain, Texas. Bre drives alone but Brian has a wire on her. She pulls up and notices a huge german shepherd on the front porch and assumes it's the shifter. She walks up and announces to the big dog that she's his mate. Which amuses the man standing behind her to no end.

Holt Lachlan, our resident shifter asks her what kind of kink she's into since she just propositioned his dog and then chastises his dog (Fargo) for not barking at her when she came onto the property. Fargo gives no fucks. Holt gets right to the point, asking Bre if she's able to bear children. He tells her that his kind doesn't “breed well” and it will be better if she can't have kids.

Bre hints to us that there's some kind of issue with her and pregnancy but she doesn't clue us in to what it is. She does tell us that Holt is mouth-watering gorgeous and she highly suspects he's not wearing underwear under his well-worn jeans. She asks Holt why he wants a mate if he doesn't want children. Holt says he needs someone to protect. The admission seems to shake him and he tells her it will probably be better if she leaves. It's not going to work out.

Inside the safety of his house, Holt almost shifts which is odd for him. It usually only happens at night because his beast is nocturnal. He manages to fight it back with his beast taunting him the entire time. Holt tells us that the thing used to be quiet except when it was its turn to have the body but these days it's a constant annoyance. He thought offering it a mate to protect and defend would shut it up but the beast tells him that was wishful thinking.

Holt expects Bre to leave but he sees her get her suitcase out of the trunk and head to the guesthouse instead. He goes out to confront her and the two bicker all the way to the guesthouse. He mostly tells her how inappropriately she's dressed for life in a swamp (silk shirt and heeled flip flops) and how much he hates her false eyelashes and she mostly tells him he's rude and his muscles are “unnecessary and ridiculous”. When they get inside, she goes into the bathroom and pulls off her false eyelashes and then wipes off all her makeup. He's stunned to realize she has freckles.

She stomps into the bedroom (how did she know where it was?) with him right behind her. Inside, she yanks out a t-shirt and some capris (because she somehow doesn't own shorts) and changes her clothes right in front of him. He can't stop staring at her matching red bra and panties and then she gets pissed at him for looking at what she put on display. She slaps him and then orders him to leave a house he owns. He kind of likes it. He tells her supper is at 5:00 and then he leaves.

Bre bugs the living room of the guest house and just generally hangs out. She purposely waits until 5:18 to head up to the main house. Holt isn't there but he drives up a few minutes later. He's carrying a bag which he hands to her. He says he doesn't know if he got the size right but they can take them back tomorrow if they don't fit. Then he goes inside, leaving her on the porch. Bre opens the bag and is surprised to see a pair of cut-off denim shorts. She's a little appeased by his thoughtfulness. She goes inside to thank him and he tells her he was a little out of place in the boutique he bought them in and he's pretty sure he's going to grow a vagina now from hanging out in there.

Holt had intended to cook for her but she's starving so he suggests going into town so they can eat faster. She changes into the shorts and he can't take his eyes off her. He tells her that he'll screw up anything nice he tries to say so she should just imagine the compliment in her head. She laughs and says something like “let's eat animal-man” and it causes his beast to growl in appreciation. She looks a little stunned and he tells her she really has to pretend he's normal if this is going to work. The look in his eyes pretty much guts her and she tells us that he looks sad and sick and tortured for a few seconds.

Bre tries to question him about his beast knowing full well that Brian is listening to everything they say. Holt tells her it isn't something he'd ever discuss with her. He just can't trust anyone enough to give them that information. He tells her that if she ever saw his beast she would run and he would hate it if he scared her so they both just need to pretend the beast doesn't exist.

In her head, Bre acknowledges that she's a monster too, for betraying him like this. I'm glad she said what I was thinking because I hate her at this point. This is mean.

I hate her even more when Holt directs her down a dirt road and tells her to kill the headlights. When she does, she notices the entire vicinity is filled with fireflies. She's enchanted. He tells her he comes out here a lot to think and he wanted to share it with her. At least she feels bad.

They get to the restaurant and Bre notices that everyone is kind of regarding Holt with a healthy dose of nervousness. A man at the bar calls Holt a killer but he ignores it and ignores all of Bre's quesitons about it. He tells her that he brought her here on purpose so she could see how the local human reacted to him and make an educated decision on whether she actually wants to stay. When he goes to the bathroom, the bartender tells Bre that people have figured out Holt is a shifter and they blame him for every person or animal that goes missing in the swamp.

They eat and head home. Bre goes into the guesthouse to go to bed and Holt heads out to the swamp to let his beast have the body. He tells us it's painful – he can literally feel his bones break as he shifts and he knows he can never let Bre see it.

I'm going to be heavily skimming this book, y'all. I HATE the premise of it and I almost can't even stand to watch it play out.

Bre is awakened in the middle of the night by Fargo barking. When she goes out to see what's going on, he seems to want to lead her somewhere. She grabs a flashlight and a kitchen knife and follows him down to the swamp. There she sees Holt covered in mud and blood with a wound in his chest. There's a boat nearby and she starts to flag it down but Holt tells her the people in it are coming to kill him. Bre helps him get back to the house where he grabs a shotgun. Blood is literally gushing from his chest as he tells her to lock herself in the back room but she won't leave him.

Someone pounds on the door and Bre springs into action. She takes off her shirt and then just holds it over her bare breasts as she goes to answer the door. There's some men on the porch with a shotgun and she yells at them for waking her up. They ask her where Holt is and she tells them he's in the shower washing the smell of sex off him and now she wants them to get off her fucking porch before she calls the cops. They leave.

Bre goes to Holt who has collapsed on the floor from the massive blood loss. She asks him what she should do and he tells her the bullet has to come out so he can heal. There's a first aid kit and she's probably going to have to do it because he's about ready to pass out. He does and she does.

He eventually recovers and tells her what happened. The men were poachers and they've been hunting his beast for years. He's an 18 foot alligator apparently and he'll make quite a trophy for anyone who brings him down. They've connected this huge gator to Holt's mysterious family and now they know what he is. Kind of. They suspect but they have no proof. 

We skip ahead a few days. Brian is frustrated because he thinks the microphones are malfunctioning. They aren't. Bre just isn't wearing them very often. The owner of the paper or studio or whatever they work for is threatening to pull the story and fire them both if they don't produce something soon. Bre kind of hopes they will fire her. She's ready to walk away from her old life and just live this one with Holt.

Bre texts Brian and tells him she wants out. Holt is a good man and she feels guilty for what they're doing to him. Good. She should.

Bre's been working days in Holt's shop.  He does swamp tours and has a little gift shop on the dock for the tourists to look through.  She mostly answers the phones to schedule tours and sells rubber alligators to people.  She has a lot of fun doing it and envisions settling into this quiet life with him.

Holt invites her to join his final tour of the day because he wants her close to him.  The tourists go off to use the bathrooms before they get in the boat and Bre asks Holt to pose with her and the baby gator he has at the site for a pic. The gator makes her a little nervous so she tells Holt to keep her safe and that awakens his beast who loves to protect. His eyes go all reptilian as she snaps the picture and I'm sure that won't come back to haunt them or anything.

(((Note from future me: It actually doesn't.  In fact, the picture gets used later but no mention of the reptilian eyes is made at all.  It's like it never happened.)))

The tour goes well and Bre and Holt walk back to the house afterwards. A sudden storm pops up and they both get completely drenched, killing both their cell phones. Bre moans about losing all her pictures and Holt asks her if they back up to her cloud. The author is really smacking us in the face with what's going to happen here and I don't appreciate it.

(((Note from future me: except nothing happened so I don't know why we got beat over the head with it so strongly.)))

Bre and Holt have sex in the rain because that's just what you do. There was nothing cringe worthy – or quote worthy – in the scene. It was actually well written. Most of the book is, premise notwithstanding.  Once the author referred to Bre as “Brea” but just once. It's not a hard read at all other than I HATE the plot.

After-orgasm, Holt tells Bre that he wants to take her somewhere special for dinner. They go by boat, taking Fargo with them, to a two-story houseboat across the swamp. It turns out to belong to Holt's gram (Raina) and she's super excited to meet Bre. Holt grows tense all of sudden and tells them that he only has about an hour. It's the first time he's ever really talked about the Change with Bre and she thinks it's a good sign. He also has been letting her see the beast's eyes more often and she thinks that is significant too.

They don't have time to make it back and he won't risk changing early with Bre around so he asks Raina if she can stay there while he's “out”. Raina pulls him aside and tells him she knows what he's doing. He's been trying to ruin the poacher's traps and it's likely to get him killed. She knows he brought Bre by so Raina would start to care for Bre and then if anything happens to Holt, Raina will protect her.  Holt doesn't deny any of that.

Over dinner we learn that Holt's dad is gone – dead I think – and his mother left him with Raina when he was 8 because she wasn't prepared to raise a shifter. Bre enjoys being around Holt and Raina. She had two parents growing up but they were always too busy with their careers to pay much attention to her and she's always been lonely. She figured she always would be because of the “decisions she'd made with her life”. I think this might be hinting at why she can't have kids but I guess we'll see.\

(((Note from future me: We'll see nothing.  This is NEVER addressed.  We never found out what decisions she made or why it means she can't have kids.)))

After dinner, Bre notices that Holt is getting really uncomfortable. She asks him if it hurts to put off Changing (the author always capitalizes it so I am too) and he kind of deflects the question. Raina insists that he be honest with Bre about it and he admits that everything about it hurts. Changing hurts, putting off Changing hurts and being in his “human skin” hurts. So basically he just hurts all the time. He leaves to go do his gator thing and Bre and Raina settle in to talk.

Raina tells her that all the Lachlan men have been killed by humans. Apparently the shifter “curse” can only be passed on to males in this world. Raina tells her that any woman who loves a Lachlan has to be prepared to say goodbye to them. She encourages Bre to go outside and see Holt's Change so she can know if she's really prepared for this life. Bre goes out onto the porch and is surprised to see Holt still sitting there. He's clearly suffering and very sad. He tells her that he wishes he was like her but she tells him she loves him just the way he is. He asks her to say it again and then he kisses her and dives into the water. A few seconds later she sees a massive 18-foot alligator leap from the water, diving back into the depths and she knows it was him.

It's the next day now. I think. Bre goes to town to replace their phones and to call Brian. She asks him to meet with her at the gas station on Main street. When he shows up, he tells her that all is forgiven. He's talked to the station and gotten them an extension. They can get back on track. She tells him that she's resigning because she's happy here. He gets mad and says this is his only way out of his shitty job and he's not throwing it all away for some monster. Bre tells him that they are the monsters (amen) and that Holt is a good man. Brian switches gears so fast it should alarm Bre but it doesn't. He tells her he wishes her well and he's glad she's happy. He'll drop the whole thing.

That quick 180 seemed fishy to me. I bet he intends to use what he has now to do the story anyway.

After Brian leaves, Bre notices that the used car salesman from the beginning of the story is in the booth behind her. Don't bother looking back – I didn't even blog that part because I didn't think old Liam would turn out to be important later. But I guess he is. She tries to make conversation with Liam but he pretty much blows her off and walks away. She just chalks it up to locals being locals.

Turns out Liam is some kind of shifter too. One that isn't supposed to go on Holt's territory because there are rules. But he breaks them to go warn Holt that Bre's a reporter. Pain explodes in Holt as he realizes he was betrayed. I super hate Bre, y'all. She could have fixed this ages ago. Or not done it at all. Holt runs home and begins to search the guesthouse. He's finds the bug pretty easily and then tells us that nothing – not his father's death or his mother's abandonment – has ever hurt this bad.

We hop back in Bre's head in time for her to get home. She sees Holt sitting on the front porch with her suitcase and she knows something bad has happened. He confronts her and her only defense is that she quit her job so it's all okay now and he has nothing to worry about. He isn't appeased. He feels betrayed and he has every right to. She starts to sob as he takes her suitcase out to her truck. He tells her he wants her to leave him alone and she knows that she destroyed him to the point that he'll never trust another person again. He'll always be alone and it's all her fault.

Yep.

I don't even feel sorry for you.

Bitch.

Bre drives to Brian's hotel room. He feels sorry for her so I guess he really intended to drop everything after all. Hmmm. That seems....unrealistic.  He asks her if she has a plan and I guess she does. I hope it's not stupid. At least we can be relatively sure it won't involve gorilla/chewbacca/clown costumes.

We hop back into Holt's head and he's really suffering. He tells us that he doesn't know what to do with the pain and the loneliness now. He'd been okay with the loneliness before but now that he knew what it was like to share his life with someone, he doesn't know how to go back.

I just realized only a week has passed.

Shifters and their fast-track relationships.

Sigh.

Holt's phone rings and he sees it's Gram. He doesn't answer because he doesn't want to explain what happened to her. It hurts too much. Almost immediately he gets a text from Liam. “Answer your gram's call, asshole”. Gram calls back and tells Holt he needs to come to Tackey's right now. I have no fucking idea what Tackey's is but Gram wants him there immediately. He's worried that she might be in some kind of trouble so he runs for his truck. He brings Fargo too because he's the only thing that helps Holt's loneliness a little.

Tackey's is apparently the place he took Bre to the first time they went to dinner together and it's strangely packed. Cars are having to park on the street because the parking lot is full. There's a big screen TV set up and Holt is super confused. He goes inside and finds Gram and Liam. His beast doesn't even want to fight Liam and that makes Holt realize how truly depressed he really is.

Gram says Bre called her and confessed everything. She also set up this party at Tackey's and used her life savings to pay for it. The newscast starts and Bre's reporting from outside the motel in town. She addresses the town of Uncertain Texas as a whole, telling them what she was sent there to do and why. Then she tells them all about Holt and what kind of man he is. She shows pictures from his childhood and then pictures she took while she was there of him at work and with his dog and with the tourists so people can see that he's really just a human most of the time. At the end she begs the town to see him as a fellow human and not a monster and to protect him because people are hunting him and it's not right. Over and over she begs the town to protect Holt and to keep him safe. She's crying by the end.

After the story, most of Tackey's comes forward to accept Holt and vow to protect him as Bre asked. Some don't. Some looked scared and leave but the majority seems to be okay with him now. Just like that. Wow.  That was some magic newscast.  He leaves to go find Bre at the motel but she's already gone. Frustrated he takes his phone out and texts her. “Come home.” She texts back “I'm already here”.  It was pretty fucking ballsy of her to just assume he'd accept the little newscast - which OUTED HIM BY THE WAY WITHOUT HIS CONSENT - as enough apology to just let her back in his life.


The book pretty abruptly ends with Holt going home and finding Bree on his porch. He hugs her as she cries and they both say “I love you”. Then it's just done and the book moves on to a preview of the next book. I really feel cheated here. We never got to find out what the story was with Bre and babies. We didn't get much resolution to her betrayal. She does one newscast saying she fucked up and the town should look after Holt for her and then everything is just suddenly okay. It's a cop out and I'm annoyed.  

The next book features Liam and I might read it.  Probably not for the blog though.  These aren't bad enough for this space.  😆


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