**This blog contains adult language and description of...ahem...adult activities.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Book Description: After hearing good things about the online game Wurdle, Karl tries his hand at this daily contest. He's already got a great morning routine, and he's excited to add something new to the mix. Unfortunately, Karl's Wurdle game goes south quickly, ending in disaster and ruining Karl's day. But when the physical manifestation of Wurdle challenges Karl's preconceived notions about relaxation and meditation, Karl is willing to give the game one more shot. The problem is simple: Karl keeps guessing sex based words. However, the physical manifestation of Wurdle is ready to do what it takes for better results, finding the D and clearing the carnal corners of Karl's mind.
{{{Note from future me: If you haven't already done your Wordle for the day, I suggest you do it before you read this recap. It might change the way you look at the game forever.}}}
Obviously this book was published in 2022. I first caught sight of it in an online kerning group because the title is a hot mess. As soon as I read the description, I knew I was going to have to read it and recap it for this blog. I apologize profoundly because I know you probably love the game but I had to do it. It was non-negotiable.
We begin with our protagonist Karl lying in bed peacefully on a Monday morning. He's getting ready to start his daily routine and he knows it will set him up for a good day because he's taken great care to make sure it's efficient and serves his soul. He's even trained himself to wake up without an alarm so his day starts more gently and quietly.
Karl takes his chocolate milk and his overnight oats onto his back patio to enjoy the beautiful morning. After he eats, he meditates for ten minutes in his backyard and then he heads back inside to do the free-style part of the morning where he reads or draws or does a hobby. Today he has decided to try Wurdle (Tingle spells it this way to avoid infringements I think) based on the recommendation of his friend. He takes a moment to explain how the game works but I'm going to skip it because I know we all know.
The first word Karl tries is “pound” and he gets a yellow 'u' out of it. His second word is “cocks” which doesn't even have a 'u' in it but it reveals a green 's'. His third word is “dicks” and then his fourth word is “shaft” which gives him a yellow 't'. His fifth word is “touch” which at least used the 'u' again but nothing is in the right place. His sixth word is “tight” which is just a dumb, dumb move.
He's so frustrated by his inability to figure the word out, that he slams his hand on the table and this somehow breaks his chair. I don't know how. Karl falls flat on his back and just stays there, staring up at the ceiling and feeling dumb for getting so upset. Suddenly a voice comes out of nowhere, asking him if he's alright and then a large, floating Wurdle puzzle appears above him.
You know, when I saw “physical manifestation”, I assumed it would be a person with maybe a puzzle tattooed on their chest or something. You know, like the Covid manifestation. How is a literal puzzle going to pound anything?
The puzzle seems to have hands at least because it offers one to Karl and helps him off the floor. He introduces himself as Hompo. He says that manifestations like him happen when the person needs to learn some kind of life lesson. So it's basically the ghost of Christmas past/present/future all rolled into one. Karl grumbles about the game for a bit and then concludes that it's just not for him because it gets him all riled up. Hompo suggests that maybe he's just not doing it right.
That's an understatement.
Hompo says that learning to relax while playing Wurdle might help Karl grow in other areas of his life. Karl doesn't have much time to think about that because he's going to be late for work. As the day goes on, he realizes that he's more focused than usual. He thinks it's because he actually challenged his mind a little that morning instead of focusing on emptying it.
Hompo is sitting on his couch watching a reality show when Karl gets home. Karl tells him that he wants to be the best Wurdle player ever, so Hompo offers him some advice. First, stop guessing sex words. Karl argues that he didn't but the words he chose are literally making up Hompo's body so he's forced to admit he did. Hompo asks him to think of a starter word for tomorrow and all Karl can think of is “penis”.
I think it's been awhile for Karl if you know what I mean.
Karl realizes that Hompo's grid is very aesthetically pleasing and then the two of them start making out.
So I finally have a handle on what Hompo looks like.
You're welcome.
Karl traces Hompo's rectangular body with his fingers while Hompo takes the more efficient route of just stripping off Karl's clothes. Karl gets down to the bottom of the puzzle and then whispers to Hompo that he's looking for a 'D' and he thinks it might be positioned in the lower middle. I guess it was because he manages to grab Hompo's.....ahem.....
If you know what I mean.
Karl gives Hompo a couple of pumps with his hand and then gets on his knees to....ahem....bob on his knob if you know what I mean. Hompo seems to be enjoying himself as much as a puzzle can I suppose. Things progress from there and I truly wish I could quote it out for you because it is truly the most ridiculous sex I've ever read in my entire life but I don't want to get kicked off the website.
It's better than the cows, though.
Through it all, Karl keeps referring to Hompo as “the living game” which just makes the whole thing more hilarious. You can't get better literature than: “flooding my asshole with a massive payload of the living game's warm jizz.”
You're welcome again.
Please don't kick me off blogger.
Afterwards, Hompo asks Karl for a five letter word again and Karl rattles off several that have nothing to do with sex. Personally, of all the words he listed, I'd go with "names". Tt has a lot of vowels and common letters in it. I really like "least" as a starter word.
The next morning, Karl goes through his usual routine and then sits down to play Wurdle with Hompo by his side. He manages to get the word (which ironically is “pound”) in six guesses. He wishes he'd done better but since he's already improved on the previous day, he feels pretty satisfied. In more ways than one, I'd imagine. Best of all, he feels relaxed and focused and ready to start the day.
The book ends there. I have no idea what happens with Hompo. Is he there forever or does he disappear as soon as Karl gets good at the game? Does he get assigned to another person eventually? Like, is everyone who sucks at the game destined to get their own puzzle to fuck? Because I can see people taking advantage of that if the word gets out. It seems like a slippery slope.
I feel like I could have worded that better.
At the end of this book was a bonus book. It may or may not end up on this blog. I honestly enjoyed this one. It was obviously VERY short and not much happened but it was fun. I wouldn't mind reading another by Mr Tingle.
I'm not sure I've ever said that at the end of one of these.
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