**This blog contains adult language and description of...ahem...adult activities.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Book Description: He saw her across the farm yard. She was different. He wanted her. EVEN THOUGH HE WAS A FERAL HOG AND SHE WAS A FARMER. And she had a yard full of kids. But really he's a sweet cinnamon roll of a southern boy and she's a burned out programmer who just wants to get back to her farming roots.
This book was published in 2019 and apparently it's based on something that happened on Twitter. I guess there was a debate about whether people really needed to own automatic weapons and the following tweet was put out in the universe to later inspire works of literally art.
I guess the author of that tweet was trying to say that he needed an automatic weapon to kill all these feral hogs.
I missed the entire thing because I didn't have Twitter at the time and I don't speak meme. I had no idea this tweet or this book existed until Amanda the Jedi mentioned it in a video. So you can all blame her for this. Or the dude who made the tweet. It's their fault we are here.
We begin with our protagonist Jaimie wielding a gun and yelling at the wild hogs in her yard. The “kids” mentioned in the book description are baby goats and not humans but she still doesn't want any of them to get eaten by the hogs. She notices that the biggest hog seems to be watching her and there's an intelligence about him that makes her uneasy. She quickly herds all the kids into a pen and locks them up, hoping that will keep them safe. It's been 3 weeks since she bought the farm (literally, not figuratively – we're not dealing with another ghost situation here) and she still is pretty unsure of what she's doing.
Jaimie doesn't really want to shoot the hogs. She's worried that it might actually make things more dangerous because there's no way she can shoot all of them at once and she doesn't want the ones without bullet holes to rush her while she's reloading. She decides to hang out in the pen with the baby goats and worry about trying to build a fence to keep the hogs out another day.
Despite Jaimie's insecurity about her farming capabilities, she actually grew up on a farm. Her parents own some land that's “a boat ride away” from her new farm on the Virginia coast. Jaimie has been in San Francisco for the last several years working 100 hour weeks, but she's happy to be living a more simple life now. Well, she'd be happier without the hogs but that's a problem for another day.
We hop into our love interest's head now. His name is Gavin and he's the big feral hog that Jaimie noticed the day before. He's in human form now and he's ridden his motorcycle up to Jaimie's house to offer his services as a handyman. He finds Jaimie very attractive. He tells us he really wants to lick all her freckles which is just bizarre.
Gavin offers to put up Jaimie's fence for free because neighbors take care of neighbors in these parts. For some reason, Jaimie doesn't seem to find this offer suspicious. I don't think she's very bright.
We hop into Jaimie's head so she can tell us that Gavin is ridiculously hot. When he takes off his shirt to work on the fence, she nearly combusts. She sneaks her phone out of her pocket and takes a couple of pictures like some kind of creep.
We're back in Gavin's head. They've worked for four hours on the fence and made a lot of progress. He's pretty impressed that such a pretty girl can work so hard. Just some casual sexism for our reading pleasure. When they stop to take a break, Jaimie offers to feed him a sandwich. He passes because he's a vegan so she offers him some vegetable soup instead. He'd much rather bend her over the kitchen table but he's pretty sure she's his mate and he doesn't want to scare her away by being overly sexual.
By the way, wild hogs are not vegans. They definitely eat meat. I don't know why Gavin is a vegan but it's not the norm for his species.
We're back with Jaimie. They finish their soup and some homemade bread and then she offers him some gingerbread that she made earlier. I looked up recipes for gingerbread and they all had eggs and butter in them so he shouldn't be eating it but he definitely does. I don't know if London didn't do her research into gingerbread or if Gavin was willing to give up his morals for dessert. As they eat, Jaimie asks him what he does for a living and he says that he helps on his brother's and parents' farms.
We're back with Gavin. He wins huge brownie points with Jaime for doing the dishes. After he's done, she just literally asks him if he wants to have sex with her. The girl wastes no time, y'all. Gavin is in it to win it at that point. They get started in the kitchen but quickly move to the bedroom. For some reason, Gavin pauses at this point to tell her that he's all sweaty and dirty as if she hasn't been working alongside him all day. Clearly she's sweaty and dirty too. At any rate, it doesn't deter Jaimie who just completely strips and then starts ripping his clothes off. Girl definitely wastes no time.
She cups him through his jeans and then literally says: “Is that a sausage in your pocket are you just happy to see me?” You've got to be fucking kidding me. For some reason, he finds this charming.
We're back with Jaimie. She's really enjoying things. Like multiple times. I'd be happy for her but then she pisses me off by referring to Gavin's....ahem....anatomy as a “trouser hog”. I'm the only one allowed to use euphemisms that appalling. A few sentences later, he pisses me off too by saying “Here's to good neighbors” as he....ahem....enters. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with these people?
We're back with Gavin. He's barely orgasmed and he's already madly in love with Jaimie. I mean, dude doesn't even know her middle name or her favorite TV show yet. What if she likes something stupid like “19 Kids and Counting”? You can't love a person like that.
They're still in bed basking in the afterglow when Gavin hears a car approach. He gets up to look out the window and then mutters that it's a fucking wolf without thinking. When Jaimie inquires, he tells her that it's a local gang.
Our wolf is named Harold and he's walking around the yard saying “hey, piggy, piggy, piggy”. He knows Gavin is there because he recognizes the motorcycle. Jaimie asks Gavin if he's involved in drugs or something else illegal but he swears he's not. She asks why a gang member would be after him and he says: “They're wolves and I'm a hog, so if they see me alone, they want to hunt me.” That makes no sense to Jaimie but he doesn't bother to explain. He just gets dressed and tells her that he's going to leave so Harold doesn't cause her any trouble.
Harold in the meantime has spotted the goats and yells out a threat to eat them in order to get Gavin to show himself. This pisses off Jaimie who throws on some clothes and goes running downstairs. She hands Gavin a shotgun and gets one out for herself.
We're with Jaimie now. She's pretty sure that Gavin is legitimately crazy since he thinks he's a hog but she doesn't really care because the dick was so good. She calls out to Harold that she has a gun but that just seems to turn him on. He again threatens to eat the goats. Gavin calls out that Harold needs to leave or he'll call “daddy”. Harold doesn't think Gavin is going to do that so he just continues to be an asshole. Gavin pulls out a phone and presses a button to make a call. He doesn't speak, though. He squeals. Like a pig. Seconds later, it sounds like a freight train bursts into the yard.
Jaimie looks out and sees 30-50 feral hogs run into her yard. They chase Harold around a bit and stomp all over his car. Harold eventually flees. Gavin goes out to greet the biggest of the pigs. He thanks him for his help and then turns to Jaimie to ask if she'll keep his clothes and his motorcycle for him until he returns. Before she can reply, he strips off all his clothes and shifts into a hog right there on her porch.
Jaimie instantly recognizes him as the hog that was in her yard the day before. She watches as he leaves with the other hogs and then goes into her kitchen to throw out all her pork products.
The book just ends there, y'all. The author tacks on a note to support local farmers and then adds that you are far more likely to be killed by a dog than a feral hog. I'm sure that's probably true but I still don't want a feral hog in my yard.
As far as these books go, this one was written better than most. There were no glaring spelling or grammar errors and only a couple of egregious sentences. I'd read this author again. She really should do more research about the diets of hogs and the ingredients in gingerbread though.
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