**This blog contains adult language and description of...ahem...adult activities.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Book Description: Michael runs for his life from a pack of wild feral pigs...straight into the claws of a cougar. How can he escape a yard full of 30-50 feral hogs and without losing his heart to a puma shifter?
This book was published in 2019 and it's labeled as the second in the feral hog series, though it's by a different author. I've never read this author but some of her titles are pretty intriguing. This book is again referencing a tweet that was supposed to be about gun control but just ended up being a meme.
We begin with Michael running through the woods. He's already impaled his leg with a branch but he knows he can't slow down. He's being chased and if he stops, he's dead. The animals chasing him are acting in an uncharacteristic way and that scares him even more. He thinks he'll be fine if he gets back to his campsite but I'm wondering how a tent is going to stop wild animals from getting to you. Especially if they have tusks and teeth.
At one point he trips because it's the law that if you're running from something that wants to kill you in the woods, you have to trip. He goes down and knows it's over. There's no way he can defend himself against the beasts. They approach slowly now, knowing their prey is unable to go on. An enormous wild hog with a scar over one eye appears and Michael has the strangest feeling that it's laughing at him. He begs for mercy but the hog just laughs again.
Suddenly there's a flash of movement and a puma lands directly in front of him. The hog and the puma face off as the rest of them seem to be waiting for some instructions from their leader. The puma swipes at the hog and he runs off squealing, causing the rest of his pack to follow. Michael tries to stand but he's weak and injured. Suddenly there's a man there instead of the puma and he grabs Michael just as he collapses.
The man/puma carries Michael back to his house in the woods. Michael seems aware that the man and the creature are the same being which is a change in these books. Usually the protagonist doesn't find out until much later. He also doesn't seem too phased by it which is odd. I guess he already knows shifters exist??? The man/puma deposits Michael on a gingham couch and Michael warily asks his name. It's Lev and I hate it because I don't know whether to pronounce it with a long 'e' or a short 'e' sound.
Michael calls Lev a cougar and Lev corrects him saying he'd rather be called a puma or a mountain lion because cougar just reminds him of an older woman chasing after younger men. Not that he minds chasing men but, you know. Michael gives Lev a good old leer and and can't keep his eyes off the tiny loincloth he's wearing. I don't know where it came from. Either Lev's clothes shift with him or he was wearing a loincloth in puma form. It's a hilarious image.
Michael's in fairly bad shape. He has the deep wound in his calf, a twisted ankle, abrasions all over his knees and elbows and a thorn embedded into his palm. Lev comes over and gently takes the thorn from his palm before picking him up and carrying him up to the bathroom. As he fills the tub, Lev asks him what he did to piss off the hogs. At first Michael denies doing anything but then he admits to picking some truffles. Lev seems a little perplexed that the hogs would be so eager to kill Michael over something that they'd normally just find a little annoying.
When the tub is full, Lev tells Michael to undress. When Michael seems incapable of doing so, Lev unbuttons his shirt for him and takes it off. This gets Michael going a little which is unfortunate because it's time to take off his pants and Lev is going to notice. Michael manages to take off his pants and boxers himself and then.....well, I'll just quote it because it's hilarious.
“He glanced down almost in shame at his dick doing what dicks did.”
I don't know why I find that so funny but I do. What dicks do indeed.
Embarrassed, Michael gets into the tub and closes his eyes as the steamy water surrounds him. He feels Lev touch his foot and realizes that Lev is massaging away all his aches and pains.
I'm sure he is.
Lev pours some kind of oil onto Michael's swollen ankle and the pain goes away almost instantly. As he massages his way up Michael's leg, he puts the oil on every wound he finds. Wouldn't this be more efficient after the bath? I mean, I know plain water doesn't exactly wash away every trace of oil but you'd think some of it would be coming off in the bath.
Michael asks Lev if the hogs will attack him for helping but Lev shrugs it away and says he doubts it. He explains that there's a hierarchy among shifters that should keep the hogs away from him. Michael asks if pumas are at the top and Lev says no. He doesn't say who is but Michael figures it must be bigger cats or bears.
I've always assumed it was bears but now I'm wondering. Lions maybe? Who would win a fight between a bear and a lion?
So I did some Googling and after extensive research I've determined that rhinos are probably the top of the hierarchy because they're basically covered in armor and would win any fight with any other species trying to gain control of the throne.
By the way, a bear would kick a lion's ass if you're wondering. A bear would also kick a gorilla's ass. However, in a one-on-one fight, a bear would probably lose to a rhino.
Why are there no rhino shifter books? Someone should write one.
Lev continues with his massage and Michael's dick continues to do what dicks do. Finally Lev decides he needs to get in the tub with Michael. For purely therapeutic reasons of course. He slides in behind Michael and Michael realizes that Lev's dick is doing what dicks do too.
Lev massages the stitch out of Michael's side that he got from running and then massages his ass for purely recreational reasons I think. Michael's very into it. Suddenly Lev reaches for Michael's....ahem....dorsal fin if you know what I mean and offers to massage that. He does for awhile and then they decide to move things to a drier place.
That's good. Sex in the water is never a good idea. It seems counter-intuitive, but it's very drying and doesn't allow for proper lubrication.
They go to Lev's bedroom where the usual stuff occurs. Its fairly well written and not very cringey but I also doubt it's physically realistic.
Some time later, Michael wakes up alone in Lev's bed. He doesn't know how long he slept and doesn't know how Lev managed to bandage all his wounds without waking him up. He goes into the bathroom to find his clothes and his phone but they aren't there. Following the smell of something cooking, he makes his way to the kitchen, noticing along the way that there doesn't seem to be any form of electricity in the house. There are old-fashioned gas lamps on the walls and the stove seems to be propane.
Lev offers him a robe, saying his clothes are hanging up to dry in the mud room. Michael asks about his phone and Lev hands it to him. It's cracked but still operational. Michael realizes he's got 25% battery still and says something to Lev about it. Immediately he wonders if Lev even knows how cell phones work considering he's living in a home with no electricity but Lev tells him that he used to live in a very different place and he's well aware of how technology works. It was an odd assumption of Michael to make but Lev doesn't seem offended.
Lev offers Michael some beans and fried rabbit and Michael asks him how he got rabbit delivered clear out here. Lev laughs and says he doesn't need his food delivered. Again, it was a weird thing to say since Michael knows Lev is a cougar and perfectly capable of hunting for his own food in the woods. Michael is clearly very nervous and awkward in this situation and doesn't really know what to talk about. Lev is patient with the awkwardness, trying to put Michael at ease. Eventually they just abandon the small talk and get back to.....ahem.....belly bumping if you know what I mean.
They don't get very far when they hear a gunshot go off outside. Michael looks out the window and tells Lev that there's 50 feral hogs in his yard. Lev looks and says it's more like 30. He doesn't seem very concerned. Michael asks if he has a gun and Lev says that a single gun isn't going to help. They'd attack as soon as he got a shot off. He tells Michael to wait inside and he goes out onto the porch to talk to the hogs.
One of them is in human form and he tells Lev that they don't want trouble, they just want what's theirs. Lev is confused and asks them why they're making so much trouble over trespassing and the theft of four truffles. The leader laughs and tells Michael to show his true form. Lev is confused but the leader points a gun at Michael and fires. Suddenly Michael isn't there anymore. He's shifted into something – we don't get told what – and he runs away.
Wait.....if Michael is a shifter, why was he asking Lev all those questions about hierarchy and being surprised that Lev hunts for his food? I know Mint was trying to keep this twist under the radar but it ends up making a lot of these conversations pretty ridiculous. Michael would definitely know what the hierarchy was because he would be observing it and he wouldn't be surprised that Lev hunts for his food in animal form because he probably does as well.
The leader chases down Michael but before he can shoot, Lev in cougar form comes to protect Michael. Michael is surprised. He's a prey animal of some sort and the hierarchy demands that he can't even speak to a predator or they can kill him. That's why the hogs were so pissed off in the first place. A prey animal disrespected the hierarchy by coming into their area and stealing their truffles. It was a matter of honor. Lev should definitely not be defending Michael against the hogs. Technically he should be pretty pissed that a prey animal deceived his way into his house....and his bed.
The leader draws up his gun but then suddenly all the hogs find themselves under attack from things they can't see under the tall grass – squirrels, rabbits and skunks. I guess these are Michael's friends.
Oh, and he's a hedgehog.
A battle ensues between the hogs and this hoard of prey animals. Somehow, the little guys are winning. Michael keeps his eyes on Lev to make sure he's okay. When he sees the leader take aim on Lev again with the gun, Michael races to knock the barrel of the gun up to the sky. A hawk comes out of nowhere and grabs the gun, aiming it at the hog leader. Michael tells them to leave and never come back or they'll kill every hog present.
The hogs retreat.
In no real world scenario would a bunch of squirrels and rabbits defeat a passel of wild hogs, but whatever.
After everything dies down, Michael sees Lev, still in cougar form, pacing around, clearly agitated. Michael knows he's violated a very sacred law and he begs Lev to just let them leave. Lev shifts and Michael fears he's going to get his throat ripped out. But he doesn't. Lev smiles and invites all of Michael's friends in for dinner and something to drink. I hope the rabbits don't get too offended at the fried rabbit on the table in the kitchen.
Michael apologizes to Lev but Lev just kisses him and tells him he understands. He's not too worried about the hierarchy and since he's a loner, he doesn't need to worry about what anyone else will think. He praises Michael's courage and the courage of his little friends and then the book ends.
This one was definitely better than the last one – even if I can't suspend my disbelief enough to buy that final battle. It was sweet. I'd read this author again.
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