**This blog contains adult language and description of...ahem...adult activities.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Book Description: Alice is shocked to learn that the sexy stranger she met online is actually a tyrannosaurus...but their forbidden attraction leads her to break all the rules.
This book was published in 2022 and this is my first time reading it. I think it's my first time reading Lola Faust in general. I looked at her author page and didn't recognize anything on it.
We begin with our protagonist Alice outside of Hi-Tec Inc waiting to meet Rex who she has been “dating” online for the last three weeks. She'd been reluctant to try a dating app but was glad she did because Rex seemed like a great guy and she'd enjoyed all the sexting. Now, however, he's 20 minutes late and she's freezing so she's starting to have her doubts.
Just when she's about to give up, she hears a heavy thumping sound. She's not too alarmed because several corporations in her area use dinosaurs as their security guards. Apparently in this world, dinosaurs have come into existence again through “The Revival” and Alice has seen several from a distance but never up close.
A T-Rex comes up to the wall where she's standing and looks over. He calls her by name and she's startled but she likes his voice. It's deep and beautiful. He identifies himself and she's hella surprised. She always thought dinosaurs were dumb but Rex has been intelligent and charming during all their interactions together. He's especially good at sexting. She reads them all one-handed if you know what I mean.
Rex acknowledges that he should have told her he was a dinosaur from the very beginning. He tells her that he'll understand if she wants to leave but she's already imagining what he'll be able to do with his enormous, dexterous, prehensile tongue.
Wait.
Did dinosaurs have prehensile tongues? I have to go look this up.
According to national geographic it's unlikely that the Tyrannosaurus had a prehensile tongue. Of course, there's no real way to know for sure so I guess I can't call the author out on this one.
Rex apologizes for catfishing her.....or.....I guess arapaima-ing her. It's the dinosaur fish. Give me a break here, y'all. Anyway, he apologizes but Alice says she's more than willing to get prehistoric with a dinosaur if you know what I mean.
Alice thinks Rex is a hottie with his green, mottled skin, huge golden eyes and massive, sharp teeth. She reaches out to rub his stomach and she's pleased with how warm and smooth his skin is.
Because I was curious, I looked up a human-to-Tyrannosaurus size comparison. Here's what I found.
Yeah, that's a no from me.
Alice asks him if he works at Hi-Tech and he says he lives there. He leads her to an underground complex with high ceilings and fairy lights. He tells her he has roommates but they're all out right now. They have the place to themselves. His room has a lot of low-light plants and a water fountain in it as well as a round couch with a cut out for his tail.
Alice notices immediately that his....ahem....little pterodactyl if you know what I mean....has emerged. It's four fingers wide at the tip and it only gets bigger from there. That's going to be a HELL no from me. She likes it though and immediately starts to strip entirely naked without any kind of conversation. He gets even more excited and it ends up being as thick around as a soda can and as long as her forearm.
HELL FUCKING NO.
Y'all, I have short arms and my forearm is 10 inches long. Wait here a sec. I have to go measure all the forearms in my house. I'll be right back.
Okay, the offspring's forearm is also 10 inches and the husband's is 12 inches which Google tells me is pretty average. So we're looking at 10 inches long and 8.5 inches around. I also measured a coke can. You know, for science.
HELL MOTHERFUCKING NO.
Okay, so it's massive and ribbed and she really likes it so she starts to pet it a little. Rex enjoys it. What follows is the most descriptive hand job I've ever read in a book like this. At one point it says “he rolls his hips, juddering them against her hands”. Juddering? Is that a fucking word?
It's a British word. I should have known. It means “to shake and vibrate rapidly with force”. There. We all learned something today. Unless I'm the only one who didn't know what juddering was.
Rex finishes with a lot of....ahem.....erectoplasm if you know what I mean. It gets literally everywhere. And the book just fucking ends there. My guess is that Faust couldn't figure out how to make sex work between a human and a tyrannosaurus so she just didn't even try. I feel cheated. I spent more time looking things up for this blog than I did actually reading the book.
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