**This blog contains adult language and description of...ahem...adult activities.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Book Description: Olivia is a trans woman enjoying her morning walk when she suddenly feels a sharp pain in her back. After collapsing, she's rushed to the hospital to find that she's passing a kidney stone. The doctor immediately recommends Olivia ride a roller coaster to help shake the stone loose, but thanks to a recent worldwide pandemic, all amusement parks are closed. Fortunately, after the pain subsides, Olivia heads to a chocolate milk shop where the barista just so happens to be a sentient roller coaster. She ends up taking a ride, which does much more than just cure her kidney stone.
Is that real? Can you shake a kidney stone loose?
So according to an article on the University of Utah Health website titled: “Kidney Stones and Roller Coasters” this could actually be a thing. The article says: “Looking at anecdotal research, doctors at Michigan State found that patients who rode roller coasters were able to dislodge small kidney stones”. It's kind of similar to shaking a piggy bank to get your pennies out. However, a urologist in the same article casts doubt on the study saying it wasn't gone properly and the data gathered was incomplete. So I guess your mileage my vary.
This book was published in 2020 and this is my first time reading it. My roller-coaster-obsessed manager brought it to my attention. They saw a reference to it on Tumblr and immediately recognized the roller coaster on the cover. In case you're interested, it's the Fury 325 located at Carowinds. This is the tallest, fastest, longest giga coaster in North America. It's a steel coaster that reaches a height of 325 feet and speeds up to 95 mph. I found a POV video on YouTube in case you want to experience it for yourself. Fury 325 POV
We begin with Olivia telling us how much her life has changed since the pandemic shut everything down. She enjoyed working from home at first – being able to drink chocolate milk whenever she wanted – but it got boring after awhile. It was hard to separate her work life from her non-work life when they were happening in the same space. It's a moot point now, though, because she was laid off the week before.
Every morning Olivia takes a walk to the chocolate milk shop down the street. I've never heard of a chocolate milk shop but I'd be down to go. She's midway through her walk when she suddenly feels an excruciating pain in her back. She ends up laying down on the sidewalk yelling “OW!” over and over until someone comes up and offers to call her an ambulance. The pain gets worse on the drive, prompting her to yell: “That is a lot of pain!” multiple times. Even Olivia knows her choice of words is ridiculous and I like it that she's laughing at herself as much as I'm laughing at her.
One of the best things about Chuck is that he's in on the joke.
The ER doc diagnoses her with a kidney stone. She says it will eventually pass but it's going to hurt like a bitch until it does. She can give Olivia some pain meds but they won't do much to help with this kind of pain. Olivia asks if there's anything she can do to help things along faster and the doc tells her that roller coasters have been known to knock kidney stones loose. At first, Olivia is relieved because she is an annual pass holder for Tingleland and it has multiple roller coasters to choose from. Then the doctor reminds her that the “trotting plague” has all the amusement parks closed.
The doc hands Olivia some pain meds and a bill for $415,041.16. Olivia says her insurance covers her for 24 more hours so the doc takes back the bill and gives her a $10 co-pay.
I laughed so hard internally at this. I love Chuck.
Also, that is a scarily accurate representation of how fucked up our health care system is here.
Olivia decides she might as well go to her beloved chocolate milk shop. The pain has temporarily subsided and she wants to live her life as much as she can until it comes back. She's stunned when she sees the barista and I'm just going to quote this part.
“There behind the counter, working on drinks and taking orders, is a beautiful, bright blue roller coaster. She's quite long, snaking around the whole building and crafted to immaculate precision.”
Olivia is instantly attracted to the “beautiful thrill ride”. The coaster's name is Sarah and Olivia gets all tongue tied when she tries to place her order. Sarah asks Olivia about her day and Olivia tells her about the kidney stone. Sarah says she gets off work in an hour and tells Olivia to meet her out front.
Olivia waits outside, the pain coming back and intensifying. Just when Olivia thinks she can't possibly survive it, Sarah glides up and orders Olivia to “get on”. Olivia can't believe she's never noticed the roller coaster track around the building but there's no time to think before Sarah starts moving. The coaster vibrates Olivia as it races around the track and soon all the pain is gone. As soon as Sarah stops, Olivia rushes inside the building and passes the stone.
Olivia runs back outside to hug Sarah. When she pulls away, she gazes deep into Sarah's eyes and then suddenly the two of them “passionately kiss”. Sarah asks Olivia if she wants another ride. For pleasure this time. Apparently she can....direct her vibrations when she wants to. Olivia tells her it sounds nice but she doesn't have that kind of equipment since she's trans.
Um.
Chuck.
Vibration can feel very good on external genitalia too. There are many, many videos on the hub about this topic.
Not that I would know, of course.😇
Sarah says there are other options but before she can explain them, Olivia requests that her external genitalia be referred to as her clit because that's the terminology she prefers. Sarah respects this and tells Olivia to take off all her clothes.
Ma'am. We're still outside the hot chocolate shop. There are laws.
Sarah instructs Olivia to sit backwards in the seat and to put her clit in the space between the seat and the cushion.
This feels like a bad idea on so many levels.
Olivia follows instructions and Sarah begins to move along the track. The vibrations are centered on Olivia's clit this time and she moans as the car races along. She's getting close to....ahem....the ultimate thrill if you know what I mean, but Sarah stops. They're in a secluded area away from the unconsenting public now. Sarah tells her to come around to the front so Olivia gets out of the seat and climbs around the track to face her. They make out as Sarah rubs Olivia with her hand and then....ahem....goes pearl diving if you know what I mean. Olivia finishes and then walks along the track to the last car.
Y'all. I rarely use the words, preferring stupid euphemisms instead, but this is a brand new fucking sentence and one we will probably never come across again, so I have to quote it.
“I finally reach the back cab of the roller coaster, dropping down into a squat and finding the sentient vehicle's pussy waiting for me.”
It's a work of art. The sentence I mean. Probably the 😺 too.
Olivia uses her “oral muscle” to....ahem....taste the rainbow if you know what I mean. Sarah starts to buck and the tracks vibrate violently. This feels unsafe. Eventually she finishes and everything calms down.
Chuck, did you seriously have to call it an "oral muscle"? Tongue would have sufficed.
There's post-nut awkwardness as the two of them try to decide where to go from here. Sarah eventually says that she can lay her own tracks and the two of them can go off on a grand adventure if Olivia is up to it. She is. She's also still naked but no one seems concerned with that. She climbs into the seat and Sarah sets off again. I guess they live happily ever after.
Good for them.
I have to say, Chuck never disappoints. Every book just adds a new level of absurdity that I truly appreciate. It's nice when books are bad on purpose.
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