Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Book Description: The unexplored rainforests of the Amazon basin are full of species unknown to science. Unfortunately for young biologist Jonah, one of those species is intent on making itself known to him whether he wants it or not. Half fish, half man, it only has one thing on its mind.This extremely short book was written in 2014 and this was my first reading. Despite how the book description sounds, I assure you that everything that happened to young Jonah was consensual.
Before we begin, I should tell you that
I looked up the word “candiru” and it's a species of parasitic
catfish known as the “vampire fish”. I inadvertently picked up a
fucking vampire (fish) book. Fuck me.
Also, the title of this book includes
the helpful tags of “M/M Fish-Shifter Sounding Erotica.” Clearly
I understood every word of that except “sounding” so I looked
that up. For educational purposes: sounding is when something (usually a small metal tube) is
inserted into a man urethra for medical purposes or sexual pleasure.
There. We all learned two new things and the recap hasn't even
started.
Our story begins with thunder in the
jungle. That's not a euphemism. It's actual thunder. Our protagonist Jonah is doing
some kind of biological survey in the Amazon basin with some chick
named Julie. They're trying to trap small animals (bats,
birds, ground-dwelling animals, fish) but rain means that they have to take
the traps down because they can potentially fill with water and
accidentally drown the specimen. So Julie is understandably
frustrated to hear the thunder. They madly race to take down the
traps they just finished setting up but the storm is moving quickly
and there's little time.
Jonah tells her to keep going with the
ground traps and he's going to go get the bird traps really fast.
Julie hates this plan. For safety reasons they are not supposed to
split up. Jonah insists everything will be fine, though, which is
pretty much famous last words for most of the books I read. Julie
finally agrees but then she inexplicably tells him to be sure to
drink plenty of water so he doesn't get dehydrated. It's out of
place so I smell a plot device.
Jonah takes down the bird nets and then
decides to check the fish nets. They aren't bothered by the rain, of
course, but if he checks them now, he and Julie won't have to come
back out later and do it. He leans
over to check the fish traps and a hand shoots out of the water and
grabs him. He's so startled that he falls backwards on his ass, his
knapsack full of tools scattering all around him.
A man slithers up out of the river and
Jonah is struck by his silver color. The man is covered in an
“iridescent shine of fish scales” and he's pretty hunky with tons
of yummy muscles. The man stops with his upper body out of the water
and shakes out his black hair. Jonah can see that his eyes are
sulphur-yellow with a thin blue membrane. Google dithers a lot about
exactly what color sulphur-yellow is but Pantone says this.
I've always found Pantone pretty trustworthy.
Jonah is convinced the guy is a mermaid
but when he finishes pulling himself out of the water, Jonah can see
that he has human legs – although they're more silvery than human
skin. The man from the water asks if Jonah is the one who has been
setting the traps. Jonah is shocked speechless and not just because
the silver man appeared out of fucking nowhere. Silver man also has
an impressive....ahem....one-eyed wonder worm....if you know what I
mean.
Silver dude tells Jonah that he hates
the traps because he keeps getting stuck and that there's a lot of
pissed off fish in that water right now. Jonah stammers out “and
you are.....” still trying to get a handle on species but
silver dude replies “annoyed, mostly.” It made me
chuckle.
Jonah is still puzzled but he
apologizes to Silver (we're just going to name him this since
we don't get told a name) and tells him that he'll pass along the
complaint to the University that's ordering the research. He goes to
get up but Silver grabs his ankle, pulling him back down. Then he
leans over Jonah, with his hands on either side of Jonah's hips,
effectively trapping him. Silver smiles revealing a mouth full of
razor-sharp teeth and asks Jonah how he likes being trapped.
By a hot naked man with a
massive....ahem.....? I think he probably likes it very much, thank
you.
Sure enough, Jonah is getting a little
warm and the humid climate of the rainforest has very little to do
with it. He's been on this trip for six weeks with nothing but women
and Jonah isn't into lady bits. He's very into the bits Silver
possesses, however, and Silver does not fail to take notice of this.
It begins to rain and Silver covers more of Jonah with more of him.
Jonah is surprised by how smooth and slippery and cool Silver's skin
is as Silver pushes him to the ground and starts kissing him.
Wow. That was fast. Even for one of
these books.
Also.....{{{shudder}}} Fish scales are NOT sexy. I'm just picturing a fish flopping all over me right now and it's squicking me out.
Jonah is trying to think with his big
brain. He's telling himself that he just can't screw the first
“unknown-to-science humanoid to slither out of the water” but his
little brain isn't interested in logic right now. He goes for it and
grabs Silver's ass and Silver makes this odd chirping noise that
Jonah is really sure he's heard before but can't immediately place.
His mind wanders even with Silver's tongue in his mouth and suddenly
he remembers a class he had where they listened to recordings of
river otters. Along with the otters they heard the same chirping
noises and the professor identified it as a particular breed of fish.
Jonah sits “bolt upright” which
must be kind of hard with a large naked man on top him. He accuses
Silver of being a fish and Silver doesn't really see a problem with
this since Jonah is essentially an ape. Jonah starts to frantically
go through all the fish he's been cataloging, assuming that Silver is
related to one of the native species. It doesn't take him long to
land on the Candiru. He's immediately worried about the fate of his
penis and tells Silver to back off because he's dangerous. Silver
kind of snorts that off and tells Jonah that he's racist.
Okay, I kind of love Silver. I just
wish he had a name.
Then again, it's probably something
stupid and impossible to pronounce.
Silver reaches for Jonah's zipper and
then reaches for Jonah's little whale and Jonah decides he doesn't
really mind that Silver is some kind of unknown werefish. He just
wants to get happy as fast as possible because it's been a long six weeks. Things are going pretty well. Silver is
sticking to hand play since he has a mouthful of way-too-sharp teeth.
But then he sees Jonah's tools spilled all over the ground and he
gets distracted by a snake-probing kit. There are some stainless
steel probes and Silver snatches one up. Jonah immediately gets
nervous and Silver replies with....
“Shh. Trust me. I
have a racial affinity for this, remember?”
Okay, now I have to look up more about
the candiru fish.
Oh. My. God.
Everything makes so much sense now.
So the candiru is a species of fish
long rumored to swim up the urethra of a human (although some say
there is no proof of this actually happening).
Jonah still isn't sure but Silver tells
him to think of it as research – like the research Jonah has been
subjecting the innocent little animals of the rainforest to. He goes
back to what he was doing with his hands and soon Jonah is ready (and very willing, trust me) for
just about anything Silver wants to do with him.
What follows is.....educational.
Apparently Jonah enjoys the “sounding”. He wants to.....finish
enjoying it but he's too afraid to do that while it's.....blocking
the exit, if you know what I mean. By the way, I looked it up because I know how curious you all are and there's nothing dangerous about....flooding a dammed up chute if you know what I mean. Jonah could safely finish here with no ill effects to him or his whale. Silver teases him and tells him he'll remove the probe if Jonah agrees to remove "the fucking traps". Jonah agrees and ends up
enjoying himself so much that he completely passes out.
When he comes to, Julie is standing
over him. She thinks he's passed out because of dehydration. He
glances down but his....ahem....little tuna is back in its can. Jonah considers what she said. One of the symptoms of
dehydration is hallucinations and he wonders if that might be what
happened. He finds one of his snake probes far away from the others,
though, and decides that Silver must have been real.
The book ends there. Apparently
there's a second one. I looked it up but it's about completely
different characters so I guess this is all we're going to get of
this one. It was pretty well written for one of these and I might read the other one some day. Or maybe something else she's written. She seems to prefer M/M.
I am a little bummed we never learned Silver's name....
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