**This blog contains adult language and discussion of....ahem....adult activities.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
Tag Line: What's the only thing sexier than sex?.......Power.
Book Description: Bethanie Boiker just cannot find good sex. She’s tried everything. Or should that be... everyone. But there’s nobody out there who pushes her buttons, flexing their incredible displays of power in the way that get’s her juices flowing (so to speak). That is, until she reads the President’s Twitter feed. Then, Beth figures out exactly how to get her juices flowing...
This ebook was published in 2020 and this is my first time reading it. We've read this author before, though. She's the one who wrote Kissing the Coronavirus I and II. I really hope we get some kind of closure about those ferrets.
We begin with our protagonist Beth getting serviced from behind by her neighbor's husband Trevvy as he caws like a parrot. She's not really enjoying it as much as he is. Beth tells us that despite her “large breasts and jiggly ass”, she's had a hard time finding good sex. Trevvy definitely ain't it.
Why is he cawing like a parrot? That's just....weird.
Beth works as one of “the world's top artificial intelligence virtual reality development coders”. I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't even know what that is but I'm not too worried about it because chances are that Edwards doesn't know what it is either. She says that Trevvy has a boring job and that must be why he's so bad at sex. I'm not sure the two coorelate but she sure seems to think so. She describes the sequence of events that typically happen with Trevvy's visits and it's all pretty uninteresting until she gets to the part about him pushing his “love wand into her cave of desires”. That was poetic. She's so bored by the sex that she grabs her phone and starts scrolling Twitter as he's pistoning away. As she comes across the POTUS tweets, she finally feels some kind of electricity in her cave if you know what I mean.
Edwards included some real tweets here – at least I think they're real because they sound like something that rotting pumpkin would have tweeted – but I'm not going to quote them. I'm not willing to give those words a voice. As she reads the tweets, she gets more and more turned on. Finally she explodes, screaming the word “Maga” which is just such a hilarious image to me.
Beth tells us that only “the most powerful power in the entire world” can make her....ahem....bottle pop if you know what I mean. And what is this powerful power? The president's twitter feed of course. Not the president himself. Just his tweets.
Beth goes into work the next day. Because it's Saturday, she has the place to herself. She puts on her VR goggles and gloves and starts to code. I'm not sure what she's working on but she tells us that it will improve the efficiency of emergency services. Somehow. While she works, she thinks about what makes the president's twitter feed so sexy. She decides it's this:
“The unnecessary display of flexing the muscles, the beating of his chest, the desperation to remind people of his dominant alphaness.”
Maybe it's just me, but none of those things are sexy.
Beth takes off her VR gear and goes into the robot room. Apparently the robots are part of her project too. They're being designed to be first responders and to go into places where humans can't go to rescue people. Beth begins tinkering around with one of the robots and suddenly she starts to picture it as the twitter feed. She fingers herself but then realizes it's not really the place for such activities so she goes back to her office, leaving the robot running.
She puts her VR equipment back on for no reason at all and then begins to flick her bean while reading the twitter feed. Eventually it sends her over the top. She stops what she's doing with her hand but the sensations don't stop. She takes off her goggles to find that the robot is.....ahem....licking her mango if you know what I mean. She tells us that the robot has turned into the living embodiment of the twitter feed. Somehow. The tweets themselves are playing across the surface of the robot so Beth can read them as she's being serviced. Which is good because apparently she needs that to get off.
What am I reading???
Luckily, Beth had been adamant that the robots be installed with.....well.....
….if you know what I mean. She told the developers that dicks were necessary for the bots to come across as empathetic and insisted they be installed.
Um.
What?
I don't even get that line of reasoning. Wouldn't it have made more sense for her to insist on this inclusion as a way of making them more human-like so the humans would trust them more and not be afraid to accept their help? Or something along those lines. Since when did having a dick make someone more empathetic?
Anyway, Beth is glad she won that argument because it comes in handy now. She also had them give the bots the capability to ejaculate because......well, reasons I guess. No explanation for that feature is given. Nor are we told what the....ahem.....boy goo if you know what I mean, is made up of.
Beth and the bot finish up what they're doing and then Beth resets him so no one will ever know what just happened. I mean.....don't most places like this have surveillance cameras? I'm pretty sure this is going to be the talk of the lab soon. The book ends with Beth telling us she'll never settle for boring sex again. It should have ended with her seeking counseling about her sexual attraction to a twitter feed but I'm just glad it's over.
I have good news. The About the Author page tells us that she's separated, currently living with her adult son and she was allowed to take one of the ferrets with her. His name is Duncan. At least we got an update about the ferrets. That's all I really care about.
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