**This blog contains adult language and description of...ahem...adult activities.**
Warning: Spoilers Ahead!!! This is a recap blog which means I read the book and tell you everything that happens so you don't have to read it yourself. Do NOT continue to read unless you want to have the story completely and utterly spoiled.
From the Back of the Book: Kara's bakery is struggling to make ends meet, and with the holiday season in full swing, she's working around the clock to make enough cookies. After a recipe mistake leads her to make way too much gingerbread dough, she decides to put it to use. When a magical holiday wish brings her life-sized gingerbread man to life, she discovers she's created the randiest, nastiest confection ever, and he's going to make her taste his creamy filling!
There's a trigger warning on this book for improper use of a rolling pin. 😂😂😂
We begin with our protagonist Kara and her co-worker/best friend Allison rolling out dough. Kara has a sudden panic because she did the math on the recipe wrong and instead of making 100 cookies, they have enough dough for 1000. They can't afford a mistake like this. They started the bakery together a year ago and it's not doing well. They've slowly been going broke and their friendship isn't handling the stress well. They thought they might turn things around with Christmas season upon them, but they're working 12 hour days just to keep up with the demand. The profits might be better, but they're exhausted.
Allison gets so frustrated with the mistake that she just goes home, leaving Kara to deal with it. Kara doesn't want to throw the dough out because then they'll lose the money from the ingredients but there's no way in hell that they'll sell 1000 gingerbread cookies. Suddenly she gets an idea. She'll make a life-sized gingerbread man and put it in the store window. It will attract attention and bring more business into the store.
I'm confused. I thought they had more business than they could handle right now. They're already working 12 hour days to keep up.
The gingerbread man is just under 6 feet tall because the ovens are only 6 feet wide. Kara is pretty proud of how perfect he looks. Then she notices a cylinder of leftover dough. Unable to help herself, she shapes it into a large....ahem....baguette (if you know what I mean) and adds it to the gingerbread man. She figures she can show it to Allison in the morning and they'll get a good laugh and then she'll break off the naughty bits and put the rest in the window.
She manages to get it in the oven somehow and then cleans up the kitchen as she waits for it to cook. When the timer dings, she goes to check on the gingerbread man and she's surprised at how much it has....swelled....during cooking The arms and legs have plumped until they're almost as thick as a real man's and the....ahem....cannoli (if you know what I mean) is huge and erect. Somehow she gets it out of the oven and onto a table to cool.
When it's ready, she takes an icing bag and gets to work making features. She figures they'll have to give him icing pants to cover the spot where they remove his....ahem....cream horn (if you know what I mean), so she makes him an icing vest that will match. When she's done, she admires her work. It's a piece of art and the....ahem....long john (if you know what I mean) is a masterpiece. She stares at it and gets super horny. She wishes aloud that he was a real man and then goes to wash up. She hears a clatter and turns to find her gingerbread man gone.
Kara grabs a rolling pin to use as a weapon, thinking someone broke in and stole the gingerbread man. She can't figure out how they got away so fast but there's no other explanation. She creeps around the display case, brandishing the rolling pin and finds her gingerbread man on his back on the floor. To her surprise, he's moving.
Gingy (as I'm going to call him) has a donut in his hand and he's trying to.....fuck it. He's too big and the donut just splits in two. When he catches sight of Kara, his icing eyes widen and he says: “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! As much as I can! I need to fuck things, I'm the gingerbread man!”
Kara is startled when he hops up off the floor and comes running at her. She asks him why he's so horny and he says she made him that way. Then he says: “Suck, suck, suck! As hard as you can! You're gonna blow me, I'm the gingerbread man!” Kara decides what the hell? It's gingerbread. It will probably taste good. She gets on her knees and obeys Obama (if you know what I mean). She enjoys it. He enjoys it. Then he pushes her off and says: “Strip, strip, strip! Take off those pants! You're gonna be impaled on my gingerbread lance!”
Kara is happy to comply. Stuff ensues. He somehow has a tongue. He uses it for awhile and then grabs the rolling pin. She seems to enjoy it but all I can think about is splinters. {{{Shudder}}} Eventually they move on to the main event. Kara refers to his....ahem....twinkie (if you know what I mean) as a “fat loaf”. {{{Shudder}}}
In case you're wondering his....ahem....icing (if you know what I mean) tastes like cinnamon roll frosting. You're welcome. She asks him for the recipe and he gives it to her.
We skip to the next morning. Allison comes into the bakery and kinds Kara lying on the floor with her pants undone. Allison is gushing about the gingerbread man in the window and Kara panics. She's worried he might still have his....ahem....swiss roll (if you know what I mean). She runs to check but the gingerbread man is wearing icing pants and everything looks perfect.
Allison finds a recipe card and starts to read it but Kara snatches it out of her hand. It's for the....ahem....icing but it's not a real recipe. It says: “Suck, suck suck for ten minutes on high heat. Fuck, fuck, fuck until thoroughly beat. Stroke, stroke, stroke until I come. Recipe makes one cup of delicious frosting.” Kara is disappointed that it's not a real recipe but figures she can wish the gingerbread man into existence again tonight and this time when he.....ahem....glazes the donut (if you know what I mean), she'll just save it to use on their baked goods.
That's horrifying. I may never eat icing again. {{{Shudder}}}
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